It's so weird to think that before Twitter, all of this nonsense just stayed in people's heads. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, SMART, A man who is never so busy bringing home the bacon that he forgets the applesauce; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You know the acronym behind your name won't keep me from kicking your ass in the parking lot. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Every night when everyone's asleep, I grab my phone and I start reading all our old conversations. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Almost all serial killers are men. That's 'cause women like to kill one man slowly over many, many years. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The blonde was always careful to remove her watch before putting on bug spray because she didn't want it to kill the… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If a woman has her tampon behind her ear and can't find her cigarette watch out. She's having a terrible day. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, The alliance of two people, one who never remembers birthdays, and the other who never forgets them; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, A delightful form of combat where you get to sleep with the enemy; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There are no relationship problems that can't be solved through suitable application of high explosives. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
They said dress for the job you want not the job you have, so I dressed like Mr India and didn't show… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You know you're on your period when everyone around you has an attitude problem. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, FAITHFUL, That man who is married to a trusting wife (a definition that can be either truthful or cynical) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
As the auto mechanic said to the Scoutmaster whose car horn was broken, Beep repaired. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
For those who woke up in a Fussy mood this morning do me a favor, punch your spouse in their fucking face. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I Followed you, I starred you, I retweeted you, I DM'ed you, I lost you, I blocked you, I never wanna see… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
One of the great mysteries of life is how a man can leave his car keys in the refrigerator. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Never let your Ladys mind wonder. its too little to be out on its own — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Women are like coconuts. Sometimes you have to hit them really fucking hard before they will spread open. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not. Rehab is for quitters. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I usually try not to sound like an idiot but it's really hard because I am an idiot. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When I said What did I do this time? I really meant What did you catch me doing? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Ladies don't ask for much. They just want shoes, diamonds, less work, free money & a perfect man. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel: Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice; takes care of business. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Behind every Successful Man there is a Woman… Because Women don't run behind Unsuccessful Men! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, is when a female hypochondriac marries a pill; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Did you hear about the new reversible jackets? I can't wait to see how they turn out. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, Is just a three-ring circus: engagement, wedding, and suffer; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You said you wont leave me alone but where are you now? I'm alone again and I haven't forgotten about you. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
PARTNERSHIP, A legal fiction exactly like marriage, but without the major benefits — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It's funny how everyday seems the same, yet when you look back a lot has changed. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've learned that no matter how much I care,some people are just assholes. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
WIFE, Someone who is too beautiful for words -- but not for arguments; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I won't be tweeting this sunday. I have better things to do like bashing myself by following girls on streets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they see it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I used to receive virtual smiles, sweet morning and night greetings. Now all I have is silence, and a blistered heart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Do girls really look at penises and say Wow, I can't wait to put that in my mouth? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
