Car Quote by Jack Handey

“Basically, there are three ways the skunk and I are a lot alike. The first is, we both like to spread our "stink" around. The second is we both get hit by cars a lot. The third is stripes.” quote by Jack Handey — Download Open image

“Basically, there are three ways the skunk and I are a lot alike. The first is, we both like to spread our "stink" around. The second is we both get hit by cars a lot. The third is stripes.”

Jack Handey

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Car Deep thought Firsts Spread Stink Stripes Thirds Three Way

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Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.

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I think the best Thanksgiving we ever had was one where we didn't even have a turkey. Mom and Dad sat us kids down and explained that business hadn't been good at Dad's store, so we couldn't afford a turkey. We had vegetables and bread and pie, and it was just fine. Later on, I went into Mom and Dad's…

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At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you…

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.

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I don't understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?

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It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a…

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Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK HE'S GOING?!

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I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy a solid-gold pick. Then I'd go out west and start digging for gold. When someone came up and asked what I was doing, I'd say, "Looking for gold, ya durn fool." He'd say, "Your pick is…

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Why do there have to be rules for everything? It's gotten to the point that rules dominate just about every aspect of our lives.…

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Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can…

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Here's a suggestion for a new animal, if some new ones get created or evolve: something that stings you, then laughs at you.

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When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.

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