Funny Quotes

52060 Funny quotes by 14453 unique authors

Once I planned to write a book of poems entirely about the things in my pocket. But I found it would be too long; and… — Gilbert K. Chesterton
A comfortable old age is the reward of a well-spent youth. Instead of its bringing sad and melancholy prospects of decay, it would give us… — Maurice Chevalier
Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative. — Maurice Chevalier
I fell in love with the public, the public fell in love with me, and I tried to keep it that way. — Julia Child
I totally alienated some reporters as I retreated. — Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
My boyfriend and I live together, which means we don't have sex - ever. Now that the milk is free, we've both become lactose intolerant. — Margaret Cho
Since I became a dancer, I have felt much better about myself. — Margaret Cho
Thankfully, beauty is easier to remove than apply, and a swipe of demaquillage in the right direction and you are you once again. — Margaret Cho
O wretched man, wretched not just because of what you are, but also because you do not know how wretched you are! — Marcus Tullius Cicero
Old age: the crown of life, our play's last act. — Marcus Tullius Cicero
Rashness belongs to youth; prudence to old age. — Marcus Tullius Cicero
The false is nothing but an imitation of the true. — Marcus Tullius Cicero
Music became a healer for me. — Eric Clapton
There's a desire in me to express something - to match what I hear in my head. — Eric Clapton
If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking 'Do you want fries with that?' — John Cleese
If you don't like what someone has to say, argue with them. — Noam Chomsky
Everything that happens to me is very cosmic. — Tommy Chong
Every time I get tested, I ask questions about it, and I watch how they do it. — Tommy Chong
I've always been into improvisation. — Tommy Chong
There is just no getting around that turning bad things into good things is up to you. — Deepak Chopra
All religions develop, become exclusive, become divisive and quarrelsome. — Deepak Chopra
A proof is a proof. What kind of a proof? It's a proof. A proof is a proof. And when you have a good proof,… — Jean Chretien
I first became interested in women and religion when I was one of the few women doing graduate work in Religious Studies at Yale University… — Carol P. Christ
I always loved the style of Jean Seberg, Jane Birkin and Marilyn Monroe. — Helena Christensen
I'm the baddest among the bad guys. — Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

Who Wrote These Funny Quotes

14,453 authors contributed a total of 52,060 Funny Quotes, led by these top contributors: