Funny Quotes

52060 Funny quotes by 14453 unique authors

To advise is not to compel. — Anton Chekhov
From kindergarten to graduation, I went to public schools, and I know that they are a key to being sure that every child has a… — Dick Cheney
A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that still doesn't mean she can't have a wonderful time… — Unknown Author
Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable. — Unknown Author
I rooted for the Dodgers when they were in Brooklyn. — Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
I'll admit I'm a workaholic. — Kenny Chesney
Music's supposed to come from the heart. I felt like that if it ever got mechanical, I was going to back away from it. — Kenny Chesney
First and foremost, I consider myself a songwriter. — Kenny Chesney
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm a helluva kisser. — Kenny Chesney
I have 120 employees on the road every day, and about 30 other employees off the road. — Kenny Chesney
The heart never grows better by age; I fear rather worse, always harder. A young liar will be an old one, and a young knave… — Lord Chesterfield
Being pretty on the inside means you don't hit your brother and you eat all your peas - that's what my grandma taught me. — Lord Chesterfield
To govern mankind, one must not overrate them. — Lord Chesterfield
The traveler sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he has come to see. — Gilbert K. Chesterton
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people. — Gilbert K. Chesterton
There is nothing the matter with Americans except their ideals. The real American is all right; it is the ideal American who is all wrong. — Gilbert K. Chesterton
It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem. — Gilbert K. Chesterton
The only way to be sure of catching a train is to miss the one before it. — Gilbert K. Chesterton
A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author. — Gilbert K. Chesterton
An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered. — Gilbert K. Chesterton
We make our friends; we make our enemies; but God makes our next door neighbour. — Gilbert K. Chesterton
To be clever enough to get all that money, one must be stupid enough to want it. — Gilbert K. Chesterton
People who make history know nothing about history. You can see that in the sort of history they make. — Gilbert K. Chesterton
Experience which was once claimed by the aged is now claimed exclusively by the young. — Gilbert K. Chesterton
It is not funny that anything else should fall down; only that a man should fall down. Why do we laugh? Because it is a… — Gilbert K. Chesterton

Who Wrote These Funny Quotes

14,453 authors contributed a total of 52,060 Funny Quotes, led by these top contributors: