Funny Quotes

52060 Funny quotes by 14453 unique authors

Latest Technology: U can now check ur weight on ur phone,Ipad,Tab or Iphone, Just dial *00001 and stand on ur phone or jump and land… — Mars Mavis Paul John
I think it's funny, how I can help others but I can't help myself. — Unkown
We are best friends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up, after I finish laughing. — Cherrymae Esdrelon
Think of it as branding your work. If youre funny, add a little humor into it. If youre an artist, decorate it with illustrations. Whatever… — Melchor Lim
I hate when skinny people call themselves fat just to get compliment. Bitch! just shut up and eat that food ! — Jugi Steady
Marriage is an institution in which a Man loses his Bachelors degree, and the Woman gets her Masters. — Nikhil Saluja
Bitches be like I'm about to come! — Lekoma Precious Napo
Funny pic — Corey Paulyboy Davis Whitmore
I'm not an optimist but hopefully one day I will be. — Nikhil Saluja
Did you drinnk anything you kno tthose funny little pills arent candy — NIKOLAS SIXX
No more of taking this hatred from you You make me feel dead when I'm talking to you You take me for granted when I'm… — Bullet For My Valentine
If you are reading this, Congrats you know how to read.. — Jorge Armenta
I hate when in scary movies, the person yells out, Hello? As if the bad guy is gonna be like, Yeah, I'm in the kitchen!… — Jugi Steady
Mom: Why is your room always so messy? Me: So that if someone comes in and tries to kill me, theyll trip over something and… — Jugi Steady
Me: why am I so fat? Me: *eats a snack* *eats dinner* *eats everything in fridge* *eats car* *eats family* *eats the universe* Me: why.. — Jugi Steady
Sometimes you just need to distance yourself from people.. *Fart* — Jugi Steady
Mom:I followed you on Twitter? Me: WHAT TWITTER? *throws laptop out window, runs to airport, moves to Mexico, changes name to Pepito* — Jugi Steady
Dear Parents, I stay up late, have a messy room, live on my phone... but I DON'T get wasted or do drugs. Sincerely, chill the… — Jugi Steady
When hungry, I'm a completely different person compared to when I'm full...You better pray to baby Jesus I'm full when you piss me off... — Lisette Alfaro
I swear if I feel one more bug crawl on me I will set it on fire and then feed it's body to my birds!!! — Lisette Alfaro

Who Wrote These Funny Quotes

14,453 authors contributed a total of 52,060 Funny Quotes, led by these top contributors: