Funny Quotes

52060 Funny quotes by 14453 unique authors

Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you — Unknown Author
But women, you get hornier as you get older. It's weird, you wanna do all your sex in between the ages of 30 and 50.… — Unknown Author
The difference between 40 year old cooch and 20 (year old cooch) is the amount of time I wait. That's it. 20 I'll wait FOREVER.… — Unknown Author
No guy wants to cheat and hurt his woman. First of all, think about what cheating is for a second ladies. Cheating is a man,… — Unknown Author
Women are constantly patting themselves on the back on how difficult their lives are and no one corrects em, cuz they wanna fuck em! — Bill Burr
Is your joke still funny? Well to me it's Not! — Unknown Author
When fucking assholes flirt even though they have gfs fucking get a life you douchebag I swear hurt my girl ill hunt you down and… — Talyiah
Life isn't fair and people know this but still forget it in their time of weakness. It funny in a way, people always seem to… — Unknown Author
INTELLIGENCE is like underwear...It is important that you have it but not necessary that you show it off. — Unknown Author
For Breakfast I like my coffee warm and cozy and my eggs funny side up. — Stanley Victor Paskavich
My medication must be wearing off I'm starting to think my jokes are funny. — Stanley Victor Paskavich
There are two typos of people in the world.one who can edit and one who cannot. — Shubham Joshi
The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch. — Unknown Author
I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may… — Jeff Stilson
If u need a friend, message me, need a laugh, call me, need a hug, stop by my house, need money, this number is no… — Punkinhead Abhishek
Im still waiting for the day that I will actually use all the Mathematics formula in real life ! — Carissa Aydaa
I had a dream about you.. Awww ! really?.. Yes. you died.. — Carissa Aydaa
Want your favourite song to become your least favourite song ??? Just make it your alarm tune. — Carissa Aydaa
What do you call those things you find at the bottom of rivers? Frogs? Stones? Unsuccessful Gangsters? — Terry Pratchett
When your wife says glass is half empty, don't ever pour philosophy of half empty is half full, just fill her glass full. Simple. — Adhir Amadavadi

Who Wrote These Funny Quotes

14,453 authors contributed a total of 52,060 Funny Quotes, led by these top contributors: