Funny Quotes

52060 Funny quotes by 14453 unique authors

Me and food have a love, hate relationship, I love to eat, but hate to get fat. — Rashida Rowe
That annoying moment when you just want to listen to music but someone wants to constantly speak to you, making you pause your song — Emanuel Sebastiao
While meeting new friends.. I meet the jolly and nice,, there are newbie and oldies... what funny about it.. is that, some get easily irritated… — Andy Dela Cruz
I HAVE A RUNNING NOSE AND SMELLY FEET — BEAUGHON
Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like your belongs at the zoo, now don't be mad because I am there too, not in… — Punkinhead Abhishek
Having sex with clowns is what I like to call 'fucking funny.' — Nikhil Saluja
The awkward moment when you're trying to eat while someone is watching! — Unknown Author
Never criticize your wife directly. If she looks fat in the new dress, say 'honey you have got this dress one size smaller'. — Adhir Amadavadi
To spoil the food too many cooks are not required, one is enough. — Adhir Amadavadi
I think the pants is more important for men than a wife. There are many places where you can safely go without wife. Where can… — Shubham Joshi
Summer is not when it is hot but when you have money and vacation. — Shubham Joshi
I Love your pussy...I mean your Cat.. — JuLian Andrew
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger...:D — JuLian AndRew
Everyone is getting into relationships and growing up and I'm just getting lazier and finding more TV series to watch.. — JuLian AndRew
Funny moment when someone try to talk to you and you have LOUD music and your ears So you can't hear them at all. — Jasmine
Tayy!!Tayy,You and nik are absolutely adorable! You two are perfect.Tayy,You are totally awesome and I'm glad I met you.You are pretty,Funny,Nice,Caring,Intelligent I can go on… — Jasmine
We interrupt your happiness and positivity to bring you Monday morning...your regularly scheduled happiness and positivity will return on Friday. — Abhishek Tiwari
Cutting the hair in your body even in outside or inside, Yes! Mostly in inside. Youre trying to get my nose so I can smell… — Meicee29
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. — Jenny_pajaron
U buy ur girlfriend a 4ne, Another guy buys her Airtym, Thats division of labor. U buy her Nika another guy removes it. Thats separation… — Mars Mavis Paul John

Who Wrote These Funny Quotes

14,453 authors contributed a total of 52,060 Funny Quotes, led by these top contributors: