Funny Quotes

52060 Funny quotes by 14453 unique authors

People say nothings impossible, but I do nothing everyday. — Unknown Author
I know Im crazy. Dont ruin my moment. — Unknown Author
People never remember the million times you help them, only the one time you dont. — Unknown Author
If theres one thing I hate the most, its seeing bad things happen to good people. — Unknown Author
I Find It Funny How Girls Talk Shit About Girls Who Talk Shit Behind There Back And Not Do Anything When There Doing The Same… — Cesar Jeronimo
Explain to me how any of this will help me in life. — Kristina Wideman
That's a lot of french fries. — Kristina Wideman
Big girls, thin girls, — Sonia Taylor
Attention without intention its a talent. — Punkinhead Abhishek
I'm honored that people talk about me so much that just means I'm always on your mind and I do know what you say but… — DopeyDasha
That moment when the ugliest guy you know gets a girlfriend and your still single. — Mario Tomasello
I have learned that pleasing everyone is too hard, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake — Punkinhead Abhishek
Son: Dad, What's Between Mom's Legs ? Dad: Paradise. Son: What's Between Your Legs ? Dad: The Key For Paradise. Son: Piece Of Advice Dad,… — Ali Bassam
It always saddens me when someone says I'm not funny, then my wife tickles my asshole and I feel better again. — Nikhil Saluja
In the Beginning, God made the Heaven and Earth. The rest was Made in China — Punkinhead Abhishek
Alcohol: Because no great story ever started with someone eating salad. — Punkinhead Abhishek
Cloning seems like a good idea. I'd have much more time to come up with funny tweets. — Nikhil Saluja
Half of a woman's life goes in calculating how to repeat a dress without letting people know. — Lekoma Precious Napo
I have been talking to a couple of people today; Me, myself and I... They are all great. — Punkinhead Abhishek
Ladies, men will listen to all your problems if you learned how to say thank you with a blowjob. — Ephrem Hardin

Who Wrote These Funny Quotes

14,453 authors contributed a total of 52,060 Funny Quotes, led by these top contributors: