Funny Quotes

52060 Funny quotes by 14453 unique authors

I allow no one to touch me. — Paul Cezanne
I have sworn to die painting. — Paul Cezanne
Yoga is just good for you. — Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. — Fred Allen
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange. — Fred Allen
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. — Fred Allen
The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand. — Fred Allen
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement. — Fred Allen
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. — Fred Allen
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. — Fred Allen
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be… — Fred Allen
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a… — Fred Allen
I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. — Fred Allen
Most books today seemed to have been written overnight from books read the day before. — Nicolas Chamfort
Of course I get hurt. — Jackie Chan
A lot of people ask me when I do a stunt, 'Jackie, are you scared?' Of course I'm scared. I'm not Superman. — Jackie Chan
Anyone can be a Superman, but nobody can be Jackie Chan. — Jackie Chan
Before I do a stunt, I have to make sure it is safe. — Jackie Chan
I am really, really tired. — Jackie Chan
I've seen too many ups and downs in the movie industry. — Jackie Chan
In every movie I do have a dialogue. — Jackie Chan
A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on. — Fred Allen
The kids never listen to you, especially the youngest ones. — Jackie Chan
When I got depressed, I watched Bruce Lee movies. I learned everything from Bruce Lee. — Jackie Chan
You cannot mix sports with politics. — Jackie Chan

Who Wrote These Funny Quotes

14,453 authors contributed a total of 52,060 Funny Quotes, led by these top contributors: