Funny Quotes

52060 Funny quotes by 14453 unique authors

Frazier is so ugly that he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wild Life. — Muhammad Ali
Life is all about seating and lighting. — Graydon Carter
As you get older and fatter, good clothes can hide a lot. — Graydon Carter
Conservatives define themselves more by their hatred of liberals than anything else, and, conversely, liberals by their distaste for conservatives. — Graydon Carter
My toughest fight was with my first wife. — Muhammad Ali
Most of us have learned the hard way that there are very few things you can absolutely count on in life. — Graydon Carter
You lose manufacturing jobs, you rarely ever get them back again. — Graydon Carter
Former vice president Al Gore has devoted his post-administration years to a mission to tell the world about global warming. It's funny, but in his… — Graydon Carter
Old age is just a record of one's whole life. — Muhammad Ali
The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless. — Nicolas Chamfort
I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it. — Raymond Chandler
I'm a very good sleeper. — Helena Bonham Carter
I'm drawn to emotionally damaged characters because there is more to unlock. — Helena Bonham Carter
I personally never got the gist of Facebook and Twitter. — Helena Bonham Carter
I'm always attracted to lower budget, not because it's lower budget, but because they tend to be better scripts. — Helena Bonham Carter
I've got Tourette's, practically. I'll tell anyone anything. — Helena Bonham Carter
No, I can never rely on Tim to make me pretty. — Helena Bonham Carter
If you fear making anyone mad, then you ultimately probe for the lowest common denominator of human achievement. — Jimmy Carter
In this outward and physical ceremony we attest once again to the inner and spiritual strength of our Nation. As my high school teacher, Miss… — Jimmy Carter
I used to sneak up to the 8th floor and watch Eddie Murphy and Joe Piscopo rehearsing 'Saturday Night Live' and could only wonder if… — Dana Carvey
If you didn't have some sense of idealism, then what is there to sustain you? — James Carville
If it doesn't start with you, it dies with you. — Julian Casablancas
It find it funny how people from Boston and New York hate each other because of pro teams. — Julian Casablancas
I love to go to the studio and stay there 10 or 12 hours a day. I love it. What is it? I don't know.… — Johnny Cash
Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. — Dan Castellaneta

Who Wrote These Funny Quotes

14,453 authors contributed a total of 52,060 Funny Quotes, led by these top contributors: