“A brick could be used to keep you warm at night, in the same way that a blanket could be used to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Don’t be alarmed by the flashing lights and the sirens you can’t see or hear. Just keep your blindfold on, your earplugs… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a cube. No it couldn’t. If you thought it could, you need to be punished. I’m… — Jarod Kintz High school Copy Share Image
“I’m the most expensive person in my life. Every day I pay for the poor decisions of my past.” — Jarod Kintz Every day Copy Share Image
“It was a blustery winter night, back in the summer of 2009. That’s when we met, and that’s when I knew it… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I’m reminded of Orville Tethington, inventor of the world’s first steam-powered fog machine. He’s also the guy who, after the Germans invented… — Jarod Kintz Happy birthday Copy Share Image
“I explore my subconscious the way Cousteau explored the sea: with a scuba tank and a smile.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll bet Ryan Lilly drinks coffee like a flower—a lily. I drink coffee more like two roses and a nose walk into… — Jarod Kintz Flowers Copy Share Image
“I should charge my bank money every time I endorse the back of a check. What is the going rate these days… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“If I can just find my wife’s foot under the covers, I know everything will be OK. Then I can put that… — Jarod Kintz Marriage Copy Share Image
“My love is like one of those wooden Russian nesting dolls (matryoshka doll). I know, because your heart fits perfectly inside mine. ” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I’m not a ref, but I assigned her the penalty of clipping, and I told her to drop the scissors and step… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Mustaches are so cool that I not only have one—I have two. I wear both of mine above my eyes.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could used to translate and transform long cuneiform texts into shorter tweets. Sure, just take the brick and smash the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I get advice from the fictional characters in my dreams. Sometimes It’s good, and sometimes it’s nonsensical.” — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“I want to live for a very, very long time, but it’s important that I take care of my body. When I… — Jarod Kintz Long time Copy Share Image
“When I go out to eat at restaurants, I don’t like chains. I prefer whips.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
The problem with Marxism is the proletariat isnt going to rise up against capitalism and consumerism. The only time theyll rise up… — Jarod Kintz Capitalism Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to understand Understanding. At least I think so. The process is complicated, and really hard to understand. ” — Jarod Kintz Learning Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used in speech therapy, to cure a stutter. I mean look at me, I don't have a stutter.… — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“Don’t just stand there with your Eiffel Tower smile. Tell me you love me, and tell me in French. ” — Jarod Kintz Eiffel tower Copy Share Image
“Love is more powerful than any gun. Still, I’d recommend wearing a bulletproof vest.” — Jarod Kintz Bulletproof vest Copy Share Image
“Every new thought of mine is like my child. And as soon as it is conceived, I must abandon it. I might… — Jarod Kintz Children Copy Share Image
“I got married at a good time, though a better time would have been 20 years from now.” — Jarod Kintz Marriage Copy Share Image
“Rain is a nudist’s shower, and I want a bathtub the size of a lake. Then we could make love like your… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“You've got to get up pretty early in the morning to beat me to my rooster costume.” — Jarod Kintz Morning Copy Share Image
“When I was 18 I got bitten by a snake, and since then I have refused to vote for either a Republican… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The only place I didn’t sweep was under her dress. But that’s what the dishwasher is for.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My girlfriend has two aliases. Clones aside, it’s the only time I’ve ever felt like I was cheating on one person with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a response when the cops ask you if you murdered your mother-in-law. Forget yes or no.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am a tree, though I’m not a shady character. I’m like a tree in winter.” — Jarod Kintz Trees Copy Share Image
“Add smoke, not fire. You want to confuse your competition, not kill them.” — Jarod Kintz Fire Copy Share Image
“The statue stood quiet and still, like the silhouette of a tired mime.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s what’s inside that matters. I’m confused inside, because I just ate some sweet and sour.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My drug of choice is love. Sure, I’ve tried other drugs, but no other drug gets both the dealer and user high… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“My hair isn’t turning gray, but it is losing its flavor. It used to taste like straw, and now it tastes like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I call masturbating “Gregging,” named not after a man named Greg, but a guy named Dave.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Books allow you to take flight, unlike the chicken wings I stapled to my back before eating them.” — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
