“A vibrating toothbrush is one hygienic marvel of a sex toy. The next time I want to make love, I’ll make a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A mechanical toothbrush is the greatest oral device in the history of the sex toy industry.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Toothpaste pie is no substitute for swishing around minty-fresh love in your mouth and then rinsing out with cold, refreshing reality. But… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had nothing to eat for desert, so I ate a tube of toothpaste. The coolest part was not having to brush… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It wouldn’t necessarily be tongue in cheek if a woman told me I kiss like a toothbrush. And I do. In fact,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I brush my teeth with a leg of fried chicken, and gravy is my toothpaste.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I converted my mechanical toothbrush into an electric screwdriver. Now it more comfortably fits the contours of my urethra.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
