“There’s a hair in my soup. That’s the problem of using my helmet as a bowl.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There are whiskers in my soup, and my spoon smells like my cat’s ass.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the alphabet soup of love. Eat me or read me, but don’t feed me to the cats.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll make a soup out of sound, and I’ll call it “Decibels.” You can get a cup or a bowl, a small… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Bread can soak up soup, but can it soak up all my love for you? I doubt it. You’re better off cleaning… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I didn’t mean to drown him. But the soup was right there, and he was just a spoon. He wasn’t just a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I’m feeling down, I make myself a big bowl of Up Soup. The bowl only looks empty, but in reality it’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I eat fog soup (out of a can). You don’t think I make it fresh, do you? You don’t need a spoon… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like a Viking skull holds soup. If you bring a spoon, I can quench your thirst—and your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Did you know you can drink food? It’s true! It’s called soup, and I eat it with a fork. I’m as efficient… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I eat bar soap raw, because if you try cooking it, it disappears. The soap turns into soup.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a cape, when I’m practicing my anti-superhero drills in Grandmother’s basement and defying her wishes to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Everything I learned in school, mixed together with water and chicken broth, isn’t worth the soup served at a soup kitchen. I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I would eat my soup in silence, but it’s alphabet soup. They’re all capital letters and they are shouting at me. I’m… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Though my skull is the size of a soup bowl, everything in the universe—and more—can fit inside my imagination. And guess what?… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Try my all-you-can-eat vomit soup. Sadly, people don’t want seconds, because they don’t even want firsts. But it tastes great. I tasted… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“While you weren't looking, I flicked a booger in your soup. Just my way of saying thanks for dinner.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
