Security Quotes by Jay Leno

Geraldo has returned to the states. See? I told you airline security was a joke.

— Jay Leno

Nike actually has a pair of shoes called Air-Turbulence. Try getting past airline security wearing those. Might as well call them Air-Osama.

— Jay Leno

Gas stations are considering hiring security guards. Why are they getting security guards? We're the ones getting robbed.

— Jay Leno

Inauguration Security was tighter than Kirstie Alley in a pair of spandex pants.

— Jay Leno

The Olympics start on Friday, and Russia is implementing the most intensive security in Olympics history. During the games, the government will…

— Jay Leno

Hey, Barack Obama had to give up his Blackberry. He's the first wired president. ... He might have to give his Blackberry…

— Jay Leno

I flew this past weekend. I went through airport security and said to the guy, 'Is everything okay?' He said, 'You might…

— Jay Leno

Gary Condit is on the Congressional committee for Homeland Security. They make the guy responsible for Homeland Security who is the guy…

— Jay Leno

In Afghanistan, U.S. troops are now holding an American man who has been fighting alongside the Taliban. His mother says he was…

— Jay Leno

According to a new report, more than 700 fake Obamacare websites have been created. Security experts say it's simple to identify the…

— Jay Leno

We are in a code orange. Homeland Security said earlier today that everyone should have a roll of duct tape and plastic…

— Jay Leno

Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge raised security alert to a code red. Apparently Howard Dean has escaped. Did you see Dean's crazed…

— Jay Leno

A second Homeland Security official has been arrested, a 49-year-old guy named Frank Figueroa, he was caught exposing and fondling himself to…

— Jay Leno

The federal government said today they've begun training sessions for airport security workers to provide what they call more customer satisfaction to…

— Jay Leno

As you know President Bush has been traveling around the country trying to sell his new Social Security plan. He wants to…

— Jay Leno