“College = A place where you spend a ton of money for a piece of paper that says you're qualified.” — Korey Miracle Copy Share Image
A lot of people into Tool, for some reason, are not interested in humor. — Maynard James Keenan Copy Share Image
I will say that as I get older and calmer and quieter in my own self, the one quality in a woman… — Colin Farrell Copy Share Image
There's a lot of people in the Middle East who are desirous to get into the Mitchell process. And - but first… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
I've just read that I am dead. Don't forget to delete me from your list of subscribers. — Rudyard Kipling Copy Share Image
“The white man comes, pale as the dawn, with a load of thought, with a slumbering intelligence as a fire raked up,… — Henry David Thoreau Copy Share Image
When you get started in comedy, you're at the bottom of the totem pole. Not only are you not getting paid at… — Scott Rogowsky Copy Share Image
“You told me I was the best sex you'd ever had in your life...You couldn't get enough...At one point you were so… — Rachel Gibson Copy Share Image
“Edwin’s creations landed hit or miss on the board and one miss a year ago ended with us heaving overboard for a… — Katherine McIntyre Copy Share Image
If I'm the president, we're going to have emergency-room care, we're going to have gag orders. — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips. — Fred Allen Copy Share Image
“Smack me if we ever get that awful.” “But I smack you so often,” she said, “how will you know that’s what… — Gina Damico Copy Share Image
“What are you doing eating a salad? If you turned sideways in the wind, you'd whistle.” — Lani Diane Rich Copy Share Image
“Quinn came over to refill his glass. He looked towards the bedroom door. "Where'd you find the little blonde?" "Used to bounce… — Dashiell Hammett Copy Share Image
“Among other possibilities, money was invented to make it possible for a foolish man to control wise men; a weak man, strong… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I'm not playing a fixed character on 'Comedy Nights Live;' in fact I would be seen portraying various characters. — Rashami Desai Copy Share Image
Not everybody, however, has a genuine sense of humor. That calls for an altruistic detachment from oneself and a mysterious sympathy with… — Karl Rahner Copy Share Image
I always loved comedy growing up - Bob Hope, Red Skelton and Danny Kaye. — Fred Willard Copy Share Image
Comedy has always been my saving grace. It's helped me find my voice. It's helped me figure out how to talk about… — Michelle Buteau Copy Share Image
I used to do comedy during my theatre days, and I was good at that. — Pankaj Tripathi Copy Share Image
“I don't want to run for anything. I want to shove this miserable cheap-ass check so far up Wells's ass he can… — Richard Kadrey Copy Share Image
“Did I mention how cute you look in my clothes?" Blushing I just look at what I'm wearing and laugh. "Chicks Dig… — Sara Daniell Copy Share Image
“I’m not sure how people drink out of skulls,” Jinx added. Calvin had too many holes in him to make a good… — Sage Blackwood Copy Share Image
“I’m fairly certain, Captain,” she said, “that the more you discover about me, the more you will dislike me. Therefore, let’s cut… — Lisa Kleypas Copy Share Image
Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
“i confess i cannot help myself. i am imaginig my self as his wife. i suppose while im at it , i… — Julianne MacLean Copy Share Image
The idea of surprise is part of what makes something funny, or what gets a reaction. At least when I'm an audience… — Charlyne Yi Copy Share Image
“I would appreciate it if you would stop… stop… ogling me like that," she hissed, tugging her very modest neckline higher. "It… — Anne Gracie Copy Share Image
“You greedy schmuck!” Denise burst out. Ian cast a leisurely glance in her direction. “And now my feelings are hurt. That’ll cost… — Jeaniene Frost Copy Share Image
