“He's got this thing about Canada. He says it's like America only with health care and no guns, and you can live… — Ruth Ozeki Copy Share Image
“Another field agent raised his hand. "I guess I've slacked off a bit because it seems no matter how many citations we… — Hog Heaven Copy Share Image
Laughter rarely lasts longer than a few seconds, it's true. But how enjoyable those few seconds are. — David Levithan Copy Share Image
“Great. The part of the lovable dog will be played by Cody the Wolf. - Cody Forester, Werewolf Asylum” — Roxanne Smolen Copy Share Image
“...because if you tell a lie when you are being eaten by a nearly dead queen, you are always struck dumb.” — Colin Thompson Copy Share Image
The world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those who feel. — Horace Walpole Copy Share Image
There's always this weird dark humor within a lot of Depeche Mode songs that people miss, tongue-in-cheek and also very British. — Dave Gahan Copy Share Image
“I close my eyes and lean my head against the seat, and the word fuck just repeats itself over and over in… — Courtney Summers Copy Share Image
“This was because she knew few words and believed in none, and in the world she was rather silent, contributing just her… — F. Scott Fitzgerald Copy Share Image
A husband and wife should resolve never to wrangle with each other; never to bandy words or indulge in the least ill-humour.… — Timothy Shay Arthur Copy Share Image
That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting,… — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
A push up bra is like a bag of chips; you open the bag and it's half empty. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you listen to a song and get an image in your head, and then you go home and watch mtv and… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
“Writers are the most pathetic souls when it comes to expressing their personal feelings. Their personalities are as complex as the characters… — Janvier Chouteu-Chando Copy Share Image
“Wow,” Sussman said, “you look hot even with the slight disfigurement.” I stopped and turned toward him. “What did you say?” “Um,… — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
“Most people don't understand what humor is. They think it's something lighthearted and cheerful. Like 'good humor.' But it isn't. It's looking… — B.G. Harlen Copy Share Image
As humourless a lump of dough as ever held a torchlight vigil outside the South African Embassy or stuck an AIDS awareness… — Stephen Fry Copy Share Image
“Compromise is low class. I don't have anything against the poor, but being low class is the root of all evil” — Novala Takemoto Copy Share Image
To be a philosopher, just reverse everything you have ever been told...and have a sense of humor doing it. — Criss Jami Copy Share Image
“As Hazel marched down the hill, she cursed in Latin. Percy didn’t understand all of it, but he got son of a… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
“Twoa said, obviously still in my brain. "It was my pheromones," she said defensively. I looked up at her; she was sniffing… — John Zakour Copy Share Image
“Have you ever known there was something you needed to do, but found yourself dreading it with everything you were?" "Once or… — Lynn Kurland Copy Share Image
“Gated?” Aaron asked. “What does that mean?” Scott paused before sharing a look with Skyler and Ella. “When you first arrived at… — S.F. Mazhar Copy Share Image
“She pinched her nose against the stench as I squirted oil of vitriol around the door. Vaporous tendrils curled from the seams.… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
“He stepped forward. “We’ve been together a year. How many times have you seen me hunt?” Umm. “How many times, Kate?” “None.”… — Ilona Andrews Copy Share Image
“Dennis faced him. They glared at each other again. Neither said a word until Dennis set the glasses down, leaned back against… — Sloan Parker Copy Share Image
Six Secrets to Being a Successful Humorist 1. Be scared, unhappy, and an outcast as a kid. 2. Drop out of high… — Bruce McCall Copy Share Image
“Dost fail ho jaye toh dukh hota hai … Lekin dost first aa jaye toh zyada dukh hota hai” — 3 Idiots- Aamir Khan Copy Share Image
People often think that you have a sense of humor because you think that life is funny. Life isn't funny at all.… — Howard Jacobson Copy Share Image
“I know you’re angry,” he told her. “You threw me into a tree.” “I had to.” — G.A. Aiken Copy Share Image
You can't be funny unless you're tragic, and you can't be tragic unless you're funny. — Elaine Stritch Copy Share Image
Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I called the hotel operator and she said, "How can I direct your call?" I said, "Well, you could say 'Action!', and… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“I wish I could say something witty in return, but it often takes hours or days later for me to formulate an… — Kat Lieu Copy Share Image
