“Coraline tried drawing the mist. After ten minutes of drawing she still had a white sheet of paper with "MIST" written on… — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
RyanAir have been getting a hard time because they've launched a £7 flight to New York. Although as always with RyanAir it… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
“Don’t swear in front of my kids, Papaw,” Bill said hotly. “Daddy, hush,” Mama said. “I’ll swear anytime I goddamn want to,… — Nick Wilgus Copy Share Image
I know what I look like. I'm not a babe who's automatically going to be the leading-lady type. I think I would… — Ashley Jensen Copy Share Image
An Australian swimmer who failed to win a gold medal is blaming her loss on social media. In her defense, it is… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
I've been a fan of 'Survivor' for a long time. I even applied for a season. I made a really stupid audition… — John Morrison Copy Share Image
“Thanks, Marisa. You're the best sister a girl can ask for," Mia told her sincerely. "I know--and very modest too.” — Anna Zaires Copy Share Image
“Even Dad likes it," said Caddy, and her father agreed that he did. In a way. Being a broad-minded, tolerant, artistic sort… — Hilary McKay Copy Share Image
I have a teenage daughter and a 10-year-old daughter. Things are pink and fluffy at my house, with two little dogs. It's… — Duff McKagan Copy Share Image
Babies are equipped at birth with a number of instinctive reflexes and behavior patterns that cause them to spend their first several… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
It's so funny to see the evolution in my music and personal style as a whole because, for me, they all work… — Ravyn Lenae Copy Share Image
Anxiety in human life is what squeaking and grinding are in machinery that is not oiled. In life, trust is the oil. — Henry Ward Beecher Copy Share Image
My neighbor's not even listening to me. He's all excited about some garden hose he bought at Brookstone. He's convinced it was… — Bill Burr Copy Share Image
You can murder someone with a box of tissues! Hit them in the head with a box of tissues, then shove tissues… — Scarlett Dyer-- The Only Girl In The World I Trust Copy Share Image
As painful as it may seem, sometimes you're supposed to fall in love with someone, but not meant to be with them — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Odd, though, all these dealings of mine with myself. First I’ve agreed a principle with myself, now I’m making out a case… — Michael Frayn Copy Share Image
So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but… — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
We all make a difference and have something to contribute to the world. Before you judge and bully someone, consider their struggle… — Heaven Copy Share Image
I don't have anybody telling me what to say. I have people who would suggest, maybe, that I shouldn't do this, that… — Morgan Freeman Copy Share Image
The best way to spend your weekend is by watching a horror movie and screaming louder than the characters in it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The Holocaust would never have happened if black people lived in Germany in the 1930s and 40s … well, it wouldn't have… — Sarah Copy Share Image
Don't you wish people could be like money, so you could hold them up to the sun and see which ones are… — Kiara Sellars Copy Share Image
Sometimes my wife and I like to spice things up in the bedroom & pretend we're a great couple who are still… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Comedy started out as my hobby and then it became my profession. It's like being on call all the time, like having… — Jim Carrey Copy Share Image
“Democracy was supposed to champion freedom of speech, and yet the simple rules of table decorum could clamp down on the rights… — E.A. Bucchianeri Copy Share Image
“Dear Hope, I NEVER thought Id see the day when two of your daily e-mails sandwiched a message from none other than… — Megan McCafferty Copy Share Image
Music should go right through you, leave some of itself inside you, and take some of you with it when it leaves. — Henry Threadgill Copy Share Image
Making movies was a real weird kind of adult experience. In a way it was like MIT, in that it was a… — Charlie Korsmo Copy Share Image
The best thing you can do when you're not feeling funny is go out and get more stimuli from the world, get… — Rob Delaney Copy Share Image
I now know when to speak and when not to speak, I know situations in a room, and if it is awkward… — Aaron Ramsdale Copy Share Image
I've always been part of comedy. One of the things about our family was that if we were reasonably funny with each… — Leslie Nielsen Copy Share Image
New York is the thing that seduced me. New York is the thing that formed me. New York is the thing that… — Patti Smith Copy Share Image
The night before the Olympics opening ceremony, my son, who is eight years old, gets very excited and likes to put out… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I immediately went out and bought a book on anger management. And now I have that book, and I don't know if… — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
She is such a scene-stealer. She's got these lashes and big eyes, and when she walks on to the set everybody just… — Greg Kinnear Copy Share Image
I have rage and anger issues. So I get mad about stuff in real life, and then I yell about it onstage,… — Lisa Lampanelli Copy Share Image
After a truly good meal, an outstanding cigar is still the most satisfying after-dinner activity that doesn't involve two human beings. — Brad Shaw Copy Share Image
If a girl admits that she likes you, know that it took her every ounce of courage she has. Don't take her… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
How come they don't think you can handle a new story out of the blue on the TV news? They gotta make… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. She got out of bed… — Harriet Morgan Copy Share Image
