Funny Quotes · Page 970

People from polland are called poles . and those from holland ? any suggestion ? :D

— Melchor Lim

I was always a funny guy. I don't think anybody that makes it to this level of stand-up wasn't a funny guy…

— Ron White

Failure is not an option -- it comes bundled with Windows.

— Anonymous

Would you rather have an overachieving 3-Star, or an underachieving 5-Star?

— Bret Bielema

More is not better. Better is better!

— Mike Michalowicz

Funny and sad are two sides of the same coin. I think that most comedians are able to tap into deep subject…

— Hasan Minhaj

Whatever you say about something, it is not.

— Alfred Korzybski

That one message changed my entire mood.

— Akila Sultana

Faith must become more than a verbal proclamation or an intellectual assent. True faith must be acted out.

— Millard Fuller

That awkward moment when you cant tell if someone's a guy or a girl.

— Anonymous

Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML

— Sheryne Brooks

I think it's important to find humor anywhere you can. In real life, with the darkest, scariest, most intense moments, if you…

— Katie Lowes

All mankind is us, whether we like it or not.

— Samuel Beckett

“It means the third rail has seven hundred volts of direct current running through it. Touch it and you're human popcorn”

— James Patterson

Dad, I'll always appreciate you sticking around after mom got fat...

— Anonymous

Love supposes, is, and does many things, but basically it is practiced in the act of sharing.

— John Powell

I want one!!

— Anonymous

It's better to love a short...

— Martin Short

This is a good look. I'm gonna mess him up," Pattinson praises Stewart. "And I'm just like, I don't know what's going…

— Robert Pattinson

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

— Adam Carolla

I didn't study music. I literally lived it,

— Paco de Lucia

Cluster bombing from B-52s are very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground.

— USAF Ammo Troop

Black is beautiful, tan is grand, but white is the color of the big boss man.

— RGclutch

My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it

— Hussein Nishah

What u looking at bitch. That's right walk away

— Ryan

You dont realise how many clothes you have, until you wash them

— Hussein Nishah

The sounds of anger are not melodic.

— John Lydon

Nothing can be produced out of nothing.

— Diogenes

There can be no learning without action, and no action without learning

— Reg Revans

Here in Miami, on weekends, amusement-seekers will come to the marina, set up folding chairs, and spend a highly entertaining day watching…

— Dave Barry

Most of us have to be transplanted before we blossom.

— Louise Berliawsky Nevelson

Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.

— Charith Thilina

You can't choose your potential, but you can choose to fulfill it.

— Theodore Roosevelt

YEAH I STUDIED. Then I forgot everything when I saw the paper.

— Anonymous

Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?

— Zach Galifianakis

Nothing wrong with wanting to go home.

— Stephon Marbury

All blessings are mixed blessings.

— John Updike

Grandchildren are the Furbies of the offspring world. They're cute, they're funny, you can play with them and then put them away…

— Jane Fallon

“Evil influence is like a nicotine patch, you cannot help but absorb what sticks to you.”

— Anonymous

With love, even the rocks will open.

— Hazrat Inayat Khan