Strange medical news from Pakistan: A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a dog's organ.… — Craig Kilborn Copy Share Image
Don't get jealous when you see your ex with someone else because we were always told to give our toys to the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
How did we get to the point where we're paying for bottled water? That must have been some weird marketing meeting over… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“Do you think the Goblin King really did it?" asked Cordelia hesitantly. All the sheep knew she was talking about George's death.… — Leonie Swann Copy Share Image
Can someone tell me where can I find the Zux Fanfic? Ive heard what its about but I wanna read it myself… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
These are not ordinary human beings. They are criminals. As a matter of fact, they are criminals, both by nature and by… — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm… — Jeff Ross Copy Share Image
I was fat! I was pustule-rich! I looked like a pink human grenade! When did I blossom into the irresistible little orchid… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let… — Martin Luther Copy Share Image
I could never really choose a favorite book, but whenever I'm asked what my favorite movie is, I always say 'Withnail &… — Lisa Lutz Copy Share Image
“We didn’t-?” I whisper, my mouth drying in mortified horror as I can’t complete the question. I stare at my hands. “Anastasia,… — E.L. James Copy Share Image
Race makes things funny. A black guy driving in NASCAR: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Tide: not… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
Happy Friendship Day to a best friend who single-handedly raises my family's suspicions about my sexual orientation. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am all about money. I mean, just look how well my line of… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up.… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
The trouble with improv is that it is often about being funny in the moment without any real consideration for the bigger… — Simon Pegg Copy Share Image
“[Or perhaps my friends should have realized that they shouldn't have left behind the FRICKING REASON FOR THEIR PROTEST! And that thought… — Sherman Alexie Copy Share Image
“Okay. Oh-kay. Re-cap. He just had a man come in his mouth. He liked it. He may be embarking on anal sex,… — Dominique Frost Copy Share Image
I think I'm accidentally funny more so than thinking of it as a craft. I'm in awe of those comedians that know… — Kathryn Hahn Copy Share Image
Charles Darwin wrote a famous book in 18 gibberish. And that book was an interesting book, cuz it was called "Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-You" — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
So your taking a shower and you put on a towel to go to yOur room you walk out the door and… — Delanie Hook Copy Share Image
I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday,… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
Men watching porn is like women watching the Food Network: they are both watching things they are never gonna do! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
No one remembers this because it's the whipping boy, but 'The Single Guy' was very well-reviewed and watched, and then the central… — Brad Hall Copy Share Image
The thing about comedians is, we're generally pretty smart. So, if we can be smart and funny, that is the victory. — Neal Brennan Copy Share Image
“Christopher throws dandelion head after dandelion head into his bag. It's getting heavy now and his fingers are stained from the work… — Brian Martinez Copy Share Image
It's so hard to believe in anything anymore, you know what I mean? It's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously,… — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley! — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In every generation there are a few people who are authentically funny. The cosmetics change. You may not be able to articulate… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“Surely my lord will not hide his beautiful white legs!" exclaimed Infadoos regretfully. But Good persisted, and once only did the Kukuana… — H.Rider Haggard Copy Share Image
For 'I Used to Be Funny,' there are really funny moments in that script, but there's also more dramatic moments and I… — Rachel Sennott Copy Share Image
If you want to make a mythical creature, just take a regular animal and add wings to it. A horse becomes a… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I love acting and I know that's a cliché, but I didn't really, I was very naïve when it came to the… — Kit Harington Copy Share Image
If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“I nod like a trained puppy, hoping to god I'm not drooling. How am I supposed to go on stage when I… — Cassie Mae Copy Share Image
I would love to interview Michael McKean and his wife, who wrote the songs for 'A Mighty Wind,' which is my favorite… — Julie Klausner Copy Share Image
Maybe people don't see me as believable playing a person of today. I guess I'm just more realistic in a corset and… — Katie McGrath Copy Share Image
“The issue concerned a minor matter of etiquette: How should the president be addressed by members of Congress? While hardly an earthshaking… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Rock and roll, big band, the blues. He loved them all. He would close his eyes and with a blissful smile begin… — Mitch Albom Copy Share Image
Justice Scalia and I served together on the D.C. Circuit. So his votes are not surprising to me. What I like about… — Ruth Bader Ginsburg Copy Share Image
![“[Or perhaps my friends should have realized that they shouldn't have left behind the FRICKING REASON FOR THEIR PROTEST! And that thought just cracked me up.] It was like my friends had walked over the backs of baby seals in order to get to the beach where they could protest against the slaughter…” quote by Sherman Alexie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/3fd/sherman-alexie-444_baby_or-perhaps-my-friends-should-have-realiz_2147588.jpg)
