Jeff Ross

It's very rare that an older comedian sort of slips into an old-school clunker. You know, you don't hear too much of…

— Jeff Ross

You cultural sodomite. You were an aide to Bobby Kennedy, which explains your connection to Hasselhoff. I guess you like to hang…

— Jeff Ross

My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that…

— Jeff Ross

Last time I was in Canada Celine Dion had just given birth to identical twins. Which is quite an achievement given her…

— Jeff Ross

Comedians second-guessing themselves is scary. Poor taste is not a crime and we can't forget that.

— Jeff Ross

People are roasting each other at parties, at work events, around the fire. It's so fun. People are busting each other's chops,…

— Jeff Ross

Before you can be all deprecating it's helpful to be self-deprecating.

— Jeff Ross

I don't think you cross the line - I think you move the line.

— Jeff Ross

Folks, Jerry Stiller has the face of a star and that star is Lassie!

— Jeff Ross

Some people say Larry the Cable Guys only successful because hes pandering to the lowest common denominator, blatantly and not ironically exploiting…

— Jeff Ross

Instead of running for President, why don’t you try walking on a treadmill?

— Jeff Ross

I'm a big fan of Courtney Love. I love Hole and I love her acting and I love her attitude. I just…

— Jeff Ross

You know you're white bread, Carson, right? You shit croutons.

— Jeff Ross

You ever had your heart broken, Larry? What was his name?

— Jeff Ross

Life is tough, and if we don't laugh, we're going to - our head will explode.

— Jeff Ross

You know, sometimes I worry, you know, is comedy and my type of comedy going to get stale? Is it going to…

— Jeff Ross

I'm not hurting anybody. Comedy's all about innuendo. I'm putting it out there just like anybody else.

— Jeff Ross

My parents passed away when I was a teenager, so I had to learn different survival techniques, I think, in comedy. You…

— Jeff Ross

With roasting, you've really got to bring your A-game. I hate to admit it, but I probably think and obsess more about…

— Jeff Ross

Jerry Seinfeld couldn't be here tonight. He had a prior engagement to fuck a model on a pile of cash.

— Jeff Ross

Youre a walking tumor. Actually, its a big deal when you spot a tumor.

— Jeff Ross

With everybody having a Facebook and a Twitter, I feel like regular people consider themselves stars. It's a live, real-time upload of…

— Jeff Ross

Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an…

— Jeff Ross

Comedians a lot of times we're on the road, we're by our self. We come home to New York to our empty…

— Jeff Ross

I think it's important for comedians to do our little part. I don't do it carelessly. I do it thoughtfully. I don't…

— Jeff Ross