Skip to content

Jerry Seinfeld Quote by Jeff Ross

“Jerry Seinfeld couldn't be here tonight. He had a prior…” quote by Jeff Ross — Download Open image

“Jerry Seinfeld couldn't be here tonight. He had a prior engagement to fuck a model on a pile of cash.”

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 4.1 out of 5 (10 ratings)

Jerry Seinfeld

More by Jeff Ross

It's very rare that an older comedian sort of slips into an old-school clunker. You know, you don't hear too much of that anymore.

Image

You cultural sodomite. You were an aide to Bobby Kennedy, which explains your connection to Hasselhoff. I guess you like to hang around guys…

Image

My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped…

Image

Last time I was in Canada Celine Dion had just given birth to identical twins. Which is quite an achievement given her age and…

Image

Comedians second-guessing themselves is scary. Poor taste is not a crime and we can't forget that.

Image

People are roasting each other at parties, at work events, around the fire. It's so fun. People are busting each other's chops, and it's…

Image

Before you can be all deprecating it's helpful to be self-deprecating.

Image

I don't think you cross the line - I think you move the line.

Image

Folks, Jerry Stiller has the face of a star and that star is Lassie!

Image

Some people say Larry the Cable Guys only successful because hes pandering to the lowest common denominator, blatantly and not ironically exploiting peoples racist…

Image

Instead of running for President, why don’t you try walking on a treadmill?

Image

I'm a big fan of Courtney Love. I love Hole and I love her acting and I love her attitude. I just hope I…

Image

Explore all 88 Jeff Ross quotes

More Jerry Seinfeld quotes

I wouldn't call myself a standup in the presence of Jerry Seinfeld or Chris Rock, but I do my share of it and it…

Image

“when i think 'dave eggers' in my head it's in the same tone of voice jerry seinfeld uses to say 'hello newman' at work…

Image

When we developed the 'Seinfeld' show, we took a bet on Jerry Seinfeld, who was not a household name. But Jerry had a voice.…

Warren Littlefield

Image

I sold my house to Jerry Seinfeld.

Image

I was a guest on Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee with Jerry Seinfeld, and I interviewed him when I was 15 years old-those moments…

Image

“Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV. JERRY SEINFELD”

Christopher Ryan

Image

There was another guy suggested. He was a tall and dark-haired and Jewy, and I said, "No, he's too close to me." It ended…

David Copperfield

Image

Jerry Seinfeld, he was doing Letterman show all the time, so he kind of had an excuse, that people know the jokes already. He…

Image

When it comes to English stand-up comedy, Indians have only seen the best - Jerry Seinfeld, Bill Cosby and the like. So, when someone…

Image

“Amy Schumer: I did an interview with Jerry Seinfeld the other day. Judd Apatow: You did? Did you know him at all? Amy: We…

Image

If I'm a busboy in Philadelphia, then I have to be careful about what I say. But if I'm a public tycoon like Jerry…

Image

I would love to be in a Paul Thomas Anderson movie, I'd love to do television with Jerry Seinfeld or Michael Richards, who I…

Eddie Kaye Thomas

Image

Browse all 40 Jerry Seinfeld quotes