I am happy doing standup so I don't ever want to stop doing it. But I wouldn't mind venturing off and doing… — Brian Regan Creative Copy Share Image
Don't let dialog about your company happen without your perspective. — Brian Regan Business Copy Share Image
If a movie makes it really big, they do the obvious thing, right? They make an amusement park ride out of it.… — Brian Regan Amusement Copy Share Image
I thought yoga was easy - I went out and I bought a yoga video tape. I bought the beginners' yoga tape.… — Brian Regan Beginners Copy Share Image
The government will pay certain farmers to not grow corn. Wow. Where's my check? That'd be great. "Hey, what do you do… — Brian Regan Certain Copy Share Image
Relevance is kind of a weird thing. If one does topical material, it makes sense to want to be relevant. But if… — Brian Regan Court Copy Share Image
I drove myself to the Emergency Room. That's a nice relaxing drive. "Noooo, after you. Merge-everybody merge." — Brian Regan Comedy Copy Share Image
You can poke fun at some pretty difficult circumstances, and it's just a way to pop the bubble. I don't do that… — Brian Regan Bubbles Copy Share Image
You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing… — Brian Regan All kinds Copy Share Image
“I" before "E" except after "C" and when sounding like "A" as in neighbor and weigh, and on weekends and holidays and… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I'm trying to do things I have never done. Like I recently went to 3 different ballets. And I loved trying to… — Brian Regan Bits Copy Share Image
Don't like when sports interviewers force answers: Are you dedicating this game to your sick grandmother? What's the guy supposed to say? — Brian Regan Answers Copy Share Image
"You see weird things driving... I've never understood log trucks, sometimes you'll be out on the highway, you see two big giant… — Brian Regan Bigs Copy Share Image
“That’s why I admired that kid who spelled it wrong on purpose so he could sit down. He knew he wasn’t going… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I don't always see humor in things. Especially when I smash my pinky toe into a coffee table leg in the middle… — Brian Regan Bits Copy Share Image
“I didn’t know what to do for my project so I brought in a paper cup filled with dirt just hoping that… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I'm capable offstage of having some dark, twisted thoughts but the kind of things I like to do onstage are just more… — Brian Regan Capable Copy Share Image
Many comedians consider themselves to be cutting edge. But why do we have to use the knife for the analogy. Let's use… — Brian Regan Analogies Copy Share Image
I don't sit down with a goal of writing. I read books or magazines. I watch TV. I go to the doctor.… — Brian Regan Airplane Copy Share Image
I like the honesty of standup comedy. People don't fake laugh. If they're truly laughing at you, you know they like you. — Brian Regan Comedy Copy Share Image
I think the most horrible name for a crime has to be manslaughter. ... "I slaughtered a man! Just like a pig!… — Brian Regan Apples Copy Share Image
I like to go on stage with a variety, with some stuff that's been around for a handful of years, some stuff… — Brian Regan Bits Copy Share Image
