If you tell a kid not to run to a water slide, he/she will walk for 2 steps, then start running again. — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
If Einstein was so smart how come people only call you 'Einstein' when you do something really stupid ? — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I like the honesty of standup comedy. People don't fake laugh. If they're truly laughing at you, you know they like you. — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I don't know. I'd be a lot better off if I would've studied more when I was growing up, you know? — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Relevance is kind of a weird thing. If one does topical material, it makes sense to want to be relevant. But if… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
You can microwave a Pop Tart. That just blew me away that you could do that. How long does it take to… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
If reading makes you smart then how come when you read a book they have to put the title of the book… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
The ultimate objective [of comedy] is to get a laugh, so if you can get a laugh off the fact that you… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
If a movie makes it really big, they do the obvious thing, right? They make an amusement park ride out of it.… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“I never learn. Like a waitress will bring my meal. “Hey, enjoy your meal.” “You, too. But you don’t have one, do… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I try to be careful and put things in perspective. There are people who have challenging lives and work hard physically and… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I did some writing for that movie. The remake of Planet of the Apes. I didn't write the script. But I wrote… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Ladies and Gentlemen, we're about to begin boarding. If we could ask for your cooperation, please stay seated until you row has… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
If you were to second guess your decision to book some time to visit an Indian community, that would be a reservation… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I try my jokes onstage. The only way to really find out if something is going to work is to try it… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
The only way I'd want to do something in television would be if it was about how I think as a comedian.… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I am happy doing standup so I don't ever want to stop doing it. But I wouldn't mind venturing off and doing other things… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
If a movie makes it really big, they do the obvious thing, right? They make an amusement park ride out of it. ... The… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I thought yoga was easy - I went out and I bought a yoga video tape. I bought the beginners' yoga tape. I couldn't… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
The government will pay certain farmers to not grow corn. Wow. Where's my check? That'd be great. "Hey, what do you do for a… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Relevance is kind of a weird thing. If one does topical material, it makes sense to want to be relevant. But if someone talks… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I drove myself to the Emergency Room. That's a nice relaxing drive. "Noooo, after you. Merge-everybody merge." — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
You can poke fun at some pretty difficult circumstances, and it's just a way to pop the bubble. I don't do that thing onstage… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“I" before "E" except after "C" and when sounding like "A" as in neighbor and weigh, and on weekends and holidays and all throughout… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
![“The ultimate objective [of comedy] is to get a laugh, so if you can get a laugh off the fact that you did not get a laugh, then you've kinda saved the moment. Other professions don't have that luxury. You don't want to hear a brain surgeon say, "Man, am I so stupid! I cut on the wrong side of your…” quote by Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/e52/brian-regan-3918_brain_the-ultimate-objective-of-comedy-is-to-g_1605012.jpg)
