You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
You see weird things driving... I've never understood log trucks, sometimes you'll be out on the highway, you see two big giant… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I hate the phrase “One thing led to another”. What kind of lazy writing is that? Isn't it your job as a… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I always hate having to use the equipment after these huge buff guys who move, like, the entire rack of plates. Then… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“So my doctor told me to watch what I'm eating - to read food labels. I'm in the store reading the Fig… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open TWO jars! I can't be opening and closing… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I saw something in the store the other day that I don't understand: that peanut butter and jelly in the same jar.… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I am happy doing standup so I don't ever want to stop doing it. But I wouldn't mind venturing off and doing other things… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
If a movie makes it really big, they do the obvious thing, right? They make an amusement park ride out of it. ... The… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I thought yoga was easy - I went out and I bought a yoga video tape. I bought the beginners' yoga tape. I couldn't… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
The government will pay certain farmers to not grow corn. Wow. Where's my check? That'd be great. "Hey, what do you do for a… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Relevance is kind of a weird thing. If one does topical material, it makes sense to want to be relevant. But if someone talks… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I drove myself to the Emergency Room. That's a nice relaxing drive. "Noooo, after you. Merge-everybody merge." — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
You can poke fun at some pretty difficult circumstances, and it's just a way to pop the bubble. I don't do that thing onstage… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“I" before "E" except after "C" and when sounding like "A" as in neighbor and weigh, and on weekends and holidays and all throughout… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
