If a movie makes it really big, they do the obvious thing, right? They make an amusement park ride out of it.… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I'm capable offstage of having some dark, twisted thoughts but the kind of things I like to do onstage are just more… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I think the most horrible name for a crime has to be manslaughter. ... "I slaughtered a man! Just like a pig!… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I hate the phrase “One thing led to another”. What kind of lazy writing is that? Isn't it your job as a… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
The ultimate objective [of comedy] is to get a laugh, so if you can get a laugh off the fact that you… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I did some writing for that movie. The remake of Planet of the Apes. I didn't write the script. But I wrote… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I don't know what in the hell's going on with cranberries, but they're getting in all the other juices. Whoever the salesman… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
They always say that Albert Einstein was a genius. Then how come when anyone ever calls you that, it's an insult? 'You… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I am happy doing standup so I don't ever want to stop doing it. But I wouldn't mind venturing off and doing other things… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
If a movie makes it really big, they do the obvious thing, right? They make an amusement park ride out of it. ... The… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I thought yoga was easy - I went out and I bought a yoga video tape. I bought the beginners' yoga tape. I couldn't… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
The government will pay certain farmers to not grow corn. Wow. Where's my check? That'd be great. "Hey, what do you do for a… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Relevance is kind of a weird thing. If one does topical material, it makes sense to want to be relevant. But if someone talks… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I drove myself to the Emergency Room. That's a nice relaxing drive. "Noooo, after you. Merge-everybody merge." — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
You can poke fun at some pretty difficult circumstances, and it's just a way to pop the bubble. I don't do that thing onstage… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“I" before "E" except after "C" and when sounding like "A" as in neighbor and weigh, and on weekends and holidays and all throughout… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
![“The ultimate objective [of comedy] is to get a laugh, so if you can get a laugh off the fact that you did not get a laugh, then you've kinda saved the moment. Other professions don't have that luxury. You don't want to hear a brain surgeon say, "Man, am I so stupid! I cut on the wrong side of your…” quote by Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/e52/brian-regan-3918_brain_the-ultimate-objective-of-comedy-is-to-g_1605012.jpg)
