If Einstein was so smart how come people only call you 'Einstein' when you do something really stupid ? — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Why are people getting on elevators shocked to find people getting off elevators? — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Do people who believe in reincarnation ever say, Darn, I'm still writing the year 1612 on my checks! — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I like the honesty of standup comedy. People don't fake laugh. If they're truly laughing at you, you know they like you. — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I don't take jokes from other people. It's really not cool to steal jokes from anybody. It's not cool to steal anything… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Some people look at creamed corn and ask, 'Why?' I look at creamed corn and ask, 'Why not?' — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Every comedian works differently. Some comedians might do just observational stuff and they don't do anything personal, and other people.. everything they… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
So when you do board, the first class people, they're sitting there. A lot of them are working as your boarding. They… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I do a few jokes about the economy but from an everyday person perspective. People like to laugh, and they especially like… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
You can microwave a Pop Tart. That just blew me away that you could do that. How long does it take to… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Sometimes you'll play, like, a large venue - maybe an outdoor venue or something - where it's so big that you can… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Even though I have fond feelings for comedy clubs, I enjoy the focus you get in a theater. Comedy clubs are a… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I try to be careful and put things in perspective. There are people who have challenging lives and work hard physically and… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I'm actually kinda quiet off stage, a lotta people don't realize that. I was at a dinner party recently, a bunch of… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Superhero power... I probably would just want to fly. I definitely would not want to be able to see through walls. I… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
When you're onstage, it's a communication technique when you make people laugh. You're communicating. You're communicating with other human beings and when… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
A lot of the kind of comedy that I do comes out of real human moments. For them to work, they have… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I think comedy is a good way to deal with anything. I hear about people in the hospital who are ill, and… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I hate getting off the elevator on the wrong floor? Anyone ever do that... and then you have to turn around and… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I am happy doing standup so I don't ever want to stop doing it. But I wouldn't mind venturing off and doing other things… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
If a movie makes it really big, they do the obvious thing, right? They make an amusement park ride out of it. ... The… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I thought yoga was easy - I went out and I bought a yoga video tape. I bought the beginners' yoga tape. I couldn't… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
The government will pay certain farmers to not grow corn. Wow. Where's my check? That'd be great. "Hey, what do you do for a… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Relevance is kind of a weird thing. If one does topical material, it makes sense to want to be relevant. But if someone talks… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I drove myself to the Emergency Room. That's a nice relaxing drive. "Noooo, after you. Merge-everybody merge." — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
You can poke fun at some pretty difficult circumstances, and it's just a way to pop the bubble. I don't do that thing onstage… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“I" before "E" except after "C" and when sounding like "A" as in neighbor and weigh, and on weekends and holidays and all throughout… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
