I just tend to think about everyday things for my onstage act. Actually you know what I like to talk about just… — Brian Regan Absolutes Copy Share Image
I don't sit down with a goal of writing. I read books or magazines. I watch TV. I go to the doctor.… — Brian Regan Airplane Copy Share Image
I don't always see humor in things. Especially when I smash my pinky toe into a coffee table leg in the middle… — Brian Regan Bits Copy Share Image
“I" before "E" except after "C" and when sounding like "A" as in neighbor and weigh, and on weekends and holidays and… — Brian Regan Wrong Copy Share Image
“You got to figure out how to eat your snack while your elbows are touching. You got to learn how to twist… — Brian Regan Food Copy Share Image
“I have to lay off dairy though. That's what my doctor threw in. As I was leaving his office, "Oh, and uh,… — Brian Regan Dairy Copy Share Image
“So I called back, "Ya, I have ten boxes and... no I'm another guy. Ya and they all weigh exactly 22 pounds,… — Brian Regan Pounds Girth Copy Share Image
I'm trying to do things I have never done. Like I recently went to 3 different ballets. And I loved trying to… — Brian Regan Bits Copy Share Image
The ultimate objective [of comedy] is to get a laugh, so if you can get a laugh off the fact that you… — Brian Regan Brain Copy Share Image
I'm actually kinda quiet off stage, a lotta people don't realize that. I was at a dinner party recently, a bunch of… — Brian Regan Bunch Copy Share Image
If a movie makes it really big, they do the obvious thing, right? They make an amusement park ride out of it.… — Brian Regan Amusement Copy Share Image
I wanted to do the comic strip. I tried to get it syndicated, and I sent some examples to a syndication company,… — Brian Regan Business Copy Share Image
I like to go on stage with a variety, with some stuff that's been around for a handful of years, some stuff… — Brian Regan Bits Copy Share Image
“I didn’t know what to do for my project so I brought in a paper cup filled with dirt just hoping that… — Brian Regan Dirt Copy Share Image
“A serving size on ice cream is like a half a cup. Is that like a joke some guy put on there?… — Brian Regan Food Copy Share Image
Superhero power... I probably would just want to fly. I definitely would not want to be able to see through walls. I… — Brian Regan Able Copy Share Image
Racquetball is the only sport where simultaneously you can be looking at the ball and it'll hit you in the back of… — Brian Regan Ball Copy Share Image
Don't like when sports interviewers force answers: Are you dedicating this game to your sick grandmother? What's the guy supposed to say? — Brian Regan Answers Copy Share Image
I went to the juice isle, I learned something. Cranberries are taking over everything. What do you got, apples? Put some cranberrise… — Brian Regan Apples Copy Share Image
I would have been a lot better off if I’d studied more when I was growing up, y’know. But you know where… — Brian Regan Bees Copy Share Image
You can poke fun at some pretty difficult circumstances, and it's just a way to pop the bubble. I don't do that… — Brian Regan Bubbles Copy Share Image
I don't take jokes from other people. It's really not cool to steal jokes from anybody. It's not cool to steal anything… — Brian Regan Different Copy Share Image
Even though I have fond feelings for comedy clubs, I enjoy the focus you get in a theater. Comedy clubs are a… — Brian Regan Animal Copy Share Image
You see weird things driving... I've never understood log trucks, sometimes you'll be out on the highway, you see two big giant… — Brian Regan Bigs Copy Share Image
I hate the phrase “One thing led to another”. What kind of lazy writing is that? Isn't it your job as a… — Brian Regan Application Copy Share Image
I always hate having to use the equipment after these huge buff guys who move, like, the entire rack of plates. Then… — Brian Regan Equipment Copy Share Image
“I never learn. Like a waitress will bring my meal. “Hey, enjoy your meal.” “You, too. But you don’t have one, do… — Brian Regan Break Copy Share Image
I try to be careful and put things in perspective. There are people who have challenging lives and work hard physically and… — Brian Regan Be careful Copy Share Image
I was watchin' the news the other day, and I heard them talking about a criminal named Brian Regan same spelling and… — Brian Regan Brian Copy Share Image
“That’s why I admired that kid who spelled it wrong on purpose so he could sit down. He knew he wasn’t going… — Brian Regan Wasn Going Copy Share Image
I eat like a kid. I like Chief Boyardee. Their Ravioli, but they have some stuff I've never seen in the real… — Brian Regan Beef Copy Share Image
I thought yoga was easy - I went out and I bought a yoga video tape. I bought the beginners' yoga tape.… — Brian Regan Beginners Copy Share Image
Can you imagine being bilingual? Or even knowing anybody that was? I'm not even unilingual. Actually, I shouldn't say that. I don't… — Brian Regan Bilingual Copy Share Image
I'm always excited about my upcoming shows. I love what I do; I feel very lucky to be able to do what… — Brian Regan Able Copy Share Image
Mmmm! Lunch and no cleanup! Can life get better? I submit that it can NOT! — Brian Regan Clean Copy Share Image
Mmmm! Lunch and no clean up!! Can life get better? I submit that it CANNOT!! — Brian Regan Food Copy Share Image
If you tell a kid not to run to a water slide, he/she will walk for 2 steps, then start running again. — Brian Regan Child Copy Share Image
It means a lot to me to have my kids like what I do. And that's why I limit them. But I… — Brian Regan Fans Copy Share Image
![“The ultimate objective [of comedy] is to get a laugh, so if you can get a laugh off the fact that you did not get a laugh, then you've kinda saved the moment. Other professions don't have that luxury. You don't want to hear a brain surgeon say, "Man, am I so stupid! I cut on the wrong side of your…” quote by Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/e52/brian-regan-3918_brain_the-ultimate-objective-of-comedy-is-to-g_1605012.jpg)
