It’s good to be here. I’m just trying to go through life without looking stupid. It’s not working out too well. — Brian Regan Life Copy Share Image
I try to be careful not to put the cart before the horse. I try not to create comedy for other comedians… — Brian Regan Audience Copy Share Image
I'm always excited about my upcoming shows. I love what I do; I feel very lucky to be able to do what… — Brian Regan Able Copy Share Image
I don't take jokes from other people. It's really not cool to steal jokes from anybody. It's not cool to steal anything… — Brian Regan Different Copy Share Image
“I never learn. Like a waitress will bring my meal. “Hey, enjoy your meal.” “You, too. But you don’t have one, do… — Brian Regan Break Copy Share Image
I do a few jokes about the economy but from an everyday person perspective. People like to laugh, and they especially like… — Brian Regan Circumstances Copy Share Image
“You got to figure out how to eat your snack while your elbows are touching. You got to learn how to twist… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“A serving size on ice cream is like a half a cup. Is that like a joke some guy put on there?… — Brian Regan Ice cream Copy Share Image
Be adaptable, flexible and never stop learning. The rate of change will never stop and neither should you. — Brian Regan Adaptable Copy Share Image
Go my favorite sports team go! Score a goal. Unit. Basket. Go squadron! Defeat the opponents soundly in this...skirmish. — Brian Regan Baskets Copy Share Image
I was watchin' the news the other day, and I heard them talking about a criminal named Brian Regan same spelling and… — Brian Regan Brian Copy Share Image
A formula for comedy is comedy equals tragedy plus time. A difficult or uncomfortable situation takes place, and then you laugh about… — Brian Regan Comedy Copy Share Image
How come they don't think you can handle a new story out of the blue on the TV news? They gotta make… — Brian Regan Bigs Copy Share Image
You can microwave a Pop Tart. That just blew me away that you could do that. How long does it take to… — Brian Regan Dark Copy Share Image
“So I called back, "Ya, I have ten boxes and... no I'm another guy. Ya and they all weigh exactly 22 pounds,… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I go in for the eye test, and I don't know about you, but I concentrate like crazy during the eye exam.… — Brian Regan Bigs Copy Share Image
Do not stand directly in front of a cannon...how true that is. — Brian Regan Cannons Copy Share Image
Even though I have fond feelings for comedy clubs, I enjoy the focus you get in a theater. Comedy clubs are a… — Brian Regan Animal Copy Share Image
"I saw this sign posted once, it said, 'blasting zone ahead'. Wow... shouldn't that read: Road Closed. What do you mean there's… — Brian Regan Comedy Copy Share Image
I just tend to think about everyday things for my onstage act. Actually you know what I like to talk about just… — Brian Regan Absolutes Copy Share Image
Do people who believe in reincarnation ever say, Darn, I'm still writing the year 1612 on my checks! — Brian Regan Believe Copy Share Image
“I have to lay off dairy though. That's what my doctor threw in. As I was leaving his office, "Oh, and uh,… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Some people look at creamed corn and ask, 'Why?' I look at creamed corn and ask, 'Why not?' — Brian Regan Asks Copy Share Image
You know what's fun? You pick somebody at random, like out of the phone book, and send them about 100 'Just Because'… — Brian Regan Asks Copy Share Image
Just make sure you're staying true to yourself, and do what you think is good in that craft or field [of yours]… — Brian Regan Crafts Copy Share Image
