I went to the juice isle, I learned something. Cranberries are taking over everything. What do you got, apples? Put some cranberrise… — Brian Regan Apples Copy Share Image
I hate the phrase “One thing led to another”. What kind of lazy writing is that? Isn't it your job as a… — Brian Regan Application Copy Share Image
Racquetball is the only sport where simultaneously you can be looking at the ball and it'll hit you in the back of… — Brian Regan Balls Copy Share Image
I wanted to do the comic strip. I tried to get it syndicated, and I sent some examples to a syndication company,… — Brian Regan Business Copy Share Image
Hey, you know who I feel bad for? Arab-Americans who truly want to get into crop dusting. — Brian Regan Crops Copy Share Image
The ultimate objective [of comedy] is to get a laugh, so if you can get a laugh off the fact that you… — Brian Regan Brain Copy Share Image
If reading makes you smart then how come when you read a book they have to put the title of the book… — Brian Regan Book Copy Share Image
So when you do board, the first class people, they're sitting there. A lot of them are working as your boarding. They… — Brian Regan Boards Copy Share Image
I would have been a lot better off if I’d studied more when I was growing up, y’know. But you know where… — Brian Regan Bees Copy Share Image
“Brian, relax, man. You’ve gotta relax when you make the crank calls.” — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Why are people getting on elevators shocked to find people getting off elevators? — Brian Regan Elevators Copy Share Image
Every comedian works differently. Some comedians might do just observational stuff and they don't do anything personal, and other people.. everything they… — Brian Regan Approach Copy Share Image
Like, I'm trying to make a statement that clean comedy is somehow better or loftier than dirty comedy, and I don't feel… — Brian Regan Clean Copy Share Image
As long as I can make that audience one thing, one unit, then I'm okay with it. But, sometimes, the bigger the… — Brian Regan Audience Copy Share Image
I try to be careful and put things in perspective. There are people who have challenging lives and work hard physically and… — Brian Regan Be careful Copy Share Image
Can you imagine being bilingual? Or even knowing anybody that was? I'm not even unilingual. Actually, I shouldn't say that. I don't… — Brian Regan Credit Copy Share Image
I eat like a kid. I like Chief Boyardee. Their Ravioli, but they have some stuff I've never seen in the real… — Brian Regan Beef Copy Share Image
“I called them up, "Ya, I have ten boxes; can you come pick them up?" "We need to know the weight and… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Superhero power... I probably would just want to fly. I definitely would not want to be able to see through walls. I… — Brian Regan Able Copy Share Image
I took a speed reading course and my speed shot up to 43 pages a minute, but my comprehension plummeted. — Brian Regan Comprehension Copy Share Image
I always hate having to use the equipment after these huge buff guys who move, like, the entire rack of plates. Then… — Brian Regan Equipment Copy Share Image
I'm actually kinda quiet off stage, a lotta people don't realize that. I was at a dinner party recently, a bunch of… — Brian Regan Bunch Copy Share Image
“MOOSEN!!!!!!! There many MOOSEN in the WOODSEN! MANY MUCH MOOSEN! The Meisin wanted and the MOOSEN and...” — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
![“The ultimate objective [of comedy] is to get a laugh,…” quote by Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/e52/brian-regan-3918_brain_the-ultimate-objective-of-comedy-is-to-g_1605012.jpg)
