I was on a boat the other day when my computer fell into the ocean and it was a Dell so now… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
How about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“There was no way to have a civilized conversation with that guy. It's like he was raised by giraffes or something.” — H.M. Ward Copy Share Image
I could be in another country but if someone is waiting on me and they call, I always say I'll be there… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Anna shuddered. "Orange is not the colour of seduction, Christopher. Orange is the colour of despair, and pumpkins.” — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
One lion thinks it's just hilarious to tackle us. He's very funny about it... and we always know when it will happen. — Tippi Hedren Copy Share Image
Ask me a question. Don't say talk about it, ask me a question. I'm not going to talk about it if it… — John Tortorella Copy Share Image
