Inside me theres a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes — Bob Thaves Copy Share Image
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants? — Michael De Leon Copy Share Image
I think the whole concept that women aren't funny is dead. It's over; it's done. — Kate Flannery Copy Share Image
We are ashamed of our thoughts and often see them brought forth by others. — Ralph Waldo Emerson Copy Share Image
I put my parents through mini hell with my laziness and poor grades, so I love making them laugh when they see… — Kayvan Novak Copy Share Image
The shortest period of time lies between the minute you put some money away for a rainy day and the unexpected arrival… — Jane Bryant Quinn Copy Share Image
It was decided almost two hundred years ago that English should be the language spoken in the United States. It is not… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
Today I changed my name in my dads phone to God and when he swore I texted him saying I HEARD THAT!… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Many people said that 'To be successful in life, you have to climb the ladder of success,' but no bastard told me… — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
I'm terrible at practical jokes. I do them too well, so they're not funny. I end up saying, “Oh, no, I'm joking,… — Anna Torv Copy Share Image
10 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop and Facbeook? When I was 10, I felt cool with my new markers. : — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Well, pardon me for not knowing about the thermal-only panty rule,” I said, smirking as he dipped his head to nuzzle one… — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
