Life should come with a remote. There are so many moments I'd give up my life for to pause, fast-forward, and rewind. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
Apparently some don't realize that you can see them through glass. Therefore... Stop picking your nose while driving! — ZHAT Copy Share Image
What's funny is funny. It doesn't matter what expense it's at. There are people who don't like that and I understand. — Bianca Del Rio Copy Share Image
I would like to go fishing and catch a fish stick. That would be convenient. I could easily get a job at… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Somebody'll be me, tomorrow or whenever. I've been doing this awhile. My time's limited. I've been doing this awhile. — Scott Raab Copy Share Image
“It's not hard to fail...it's hard to accept you failed...but once that's out of the way, it's pretty smooth sailing” — Josh Stern Copy Share Image
I must remain always, both in principle + actively, interested in everything. Taking all of knowledge as my province. — Susan Sontag Copy Share Image
