Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese… — James H Kabbler III Copy Share Image
I have been hit by the Americans and tortured. I have been beaten on every place of my body, and the signs… — Saddam Hussein Copy Share Image
Swiss cheese is the only cheese you can draw and people can identify. You can draw American cheese, but someone will think… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Those which we call necessary institutions are simply no more than institutions to which we have become accustomed. — Alexis de Tocqueville Copy Share Image
If A equals to success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is Attitude. Y is Hard… — Ritu Copy Share Image
Everyone knows cats are on a higher level of existence. These silly humans are just too big-headed to admit their inferiority. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“The man you’re going to marry should be like a brick: strong, sturdy, supportive and almost always hard in your presence.” — Nicole McKay Copy Share Image
But I think once the word gets out that the movie is funny - funny is transcendent - it will traverse all… — Thomas Haden Church Copy Share Image
Best friends are those who, when you show up at their door with a dead body, say nothing, grab a shovel, and… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That, they never could lay their heads upon their pillows; that, they could never tolerate the idea of their wives laying their… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“Sorry I'm late," Ms. Egami said to the class. She dropped her papers, which scattered in that special way papers do when… — Adam Rex Copy Share Image
I think you figure out how to be funny by necessity. It's not a natural thing, being funny in the face of… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“She was a bitch,' Carl suddenly heard somebody say in the background, and that apparently refreshed everyone's memory. Yes, thought Carl with… — Jussi Adler-Olsen Copy Share Image
“The old agility was still present and the passion was undeniable, but it was the wobbling of the gut, the puffing of… — Jamie Holoran Copy Share Image
“Screw sharks; a Transformer could be stretching up on its tippy toes and would still have a mile of cover to eat… — Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Draus Copy Share Image
“If I could fly, I would soar all the way up to the window of a plane carrying a suitcase in my… — Colin Nissan Copy Share Image
Every single one of you, before you get off the pile, affect the head. Early, affect the head. Continue, touch and hit… — Gregg Williams Copy Share Image
“There are few things more mysterious than endings. I mean, for example, when did the Greek gods end, exactly? Was there a… — Salley Vickers Copy Share Image
'Crash' came from personal experience. I saw things inside me from living in L.A. that made me uncomfortable. I saw horrible things… — Paul Haggis Copy Share Image
Yesterday, I was a child. Today Im younger and tomorrow Ill become older but the day after tomorrow once again Ill live… — Mohd Aariff Khan Copy Share Image
Looking back on the event, I find myself thinking there are three approaches to journalism represented here. One is the "cool" approach… — David "Doc" Searls Copy Share Image
You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat does -- but you let a cat get excited once; you… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Did you just cut your hair? he asked, so I pulled out my axe & chopped off his arm & asked Did… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Never draw anything you can copy, never copy anything you can trace, never trace anything you can cut out and paste up. — Wally Wood Copy Share Image
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Girl: Your favorite band/singer sucks! * 25 MINUTES LATER* Cop: So she fell down the stairs? Me: Yeah, Let's go with that. — Lisette Alfaro Copy Share Image
When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality. — Al Capone Copy Share Image
“Arrgh!” Hadleigh flung up an arm to shield her eyes but the damage had been done. She’d seen a lot of ugly… — Jane Cousins Copy Share Image
Two things in life that are difficult to achieve: 1. To plant your idea in someone's head. 2. To plant someone's money… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Let me tell you something. I'm a funny girl, and I gave birth to what? Funny. I can't help it. It just… — Niecy Nash Copy Share Image
“Throughout my training we always had a mantra; They come first. If I had really and truly screwed up my future, I'd… — Richelle Mead Copy Share Image
Modern cyberspace is a deadly festering swamp, teeming with dangerous programs such as 'viruses,' 'worms,' 'Trojan horses' and 'licensed Microsoft software' that… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do it blows your whole… — Bjarne Stroustrup Copy Share Image
If you're cute, you can call me baby If you're nice, you can call me sweetie But if you're hot, you can… — Ritu Copy Share Image
The first time someone said, 'What are your measurements?' I answered, '37, 24, 38 - but not necessarily in that order.' — Carol Burnett Copy Share Image
“Prove to me that you are not a figment of my imagination. Am I a computer simulation? Does the door swing both… — Jessica Park Copy Share Image
Lady Astor: If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea. Winston Churchill: Madam, if I were your husband, I'd drink it! — Psyche_Zeroh Copy Share Image
If I reach over and choke you, it's not that I don't like you. It's just that I've had to much caffeine… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“There was an audible gasp, like everyone had been sucker-punched, and the sound reverberated through the hall like he’d just announced that… — Andrea Speed Copy Share Image
