You think it horrible that lust and rage Should dance attendance upon my old age; They were not such a plague when… — William Butler Yeats Copy Share Image
“You’re a talking cat?” Endora asked with a look of disbelief on her face. “My, my, my, aren’t you the bright bulb… — Sophie Palmer Copy Share Image
Funny songs, that’s my ticket. I can’t remember when it started or why it started, it’s just something that I NEEDED. — Jack Black Copy Share Image
It's funny when people say you have sex appeal or call you the next Brad Pitt. I just laugh. I'm not that.… — Kellan Lutz Copy Share Image
I always dreamed of being an entertainer. So, my whole life to some extent, or from the age that I can remember… — Lil Dicky Copy Share Image
I hate when your friends quit drinking on you, don't you? It's sad. I've lost more friends to AA than Liberace did… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE CEREMONY, a ritual which should be written (o cut down on divorces) -- by adding a line to the groom's questions… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The number of times you say Dont judge me is directly proportional to the amount of things you do that you know… — Lars Propst Copy Share Image
Raw parsley makes me gag. It's the same for my mum and my sister. Which is funny because apparently parsley was used… — Daisy Lowe Copy Share Image
“You're ruining that book!" He pointed to the page I'd torn out. "That's a perfectly good book!" Holding his gaze, I reached… — Kate Avery Ellison Copy Share Image
“Tom Cruise isn't that big of a guy," my mom always says. I love how she tries to avoid using the word… — A.E. Cannon Copy Share Image
“Although initially only few in numbers, it seems my gray hairs have launched an effective peer-pressure campaign intended to convert the others.” — Steve Maraboli Copy Share Image
I like to wear a "Do Not Disturb" sign around my neck so that little kids can't tell me knock-knock jokes. "Hey,… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Normally, I try not to pay attention to my haters, but this time I'd like to talk about it, because my haters… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
Put every great teacher in a room, and they'd agree about everything, but put their disciples in there and they'd argue about… — Bruce Lee Copy Share Image
“You know what's awkward?" David asked, the corner of his mouth lifting. "Our entire existences?" Now the grin was real. "That," he… — Rachel Hawkins Copy Share Image
What is the best sexual position to create a gorgeous, charming absolutely attractive and cute baby?… Ask my parents! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Since it's based on my parents, it's more emotionally close to me than some of my more surreal plays. And then I… — Christopher Durang Copy Share Image
I have a lot of respect for L. Ron Hubbard and I consider him to be a genius and perhaps less acknowledged… — Werner Erhard Copy Share Image
Randy and I were goggle-eyed as we gazed over the wonders of what Walt Disney had wrought. It was a magnificent demonstration… — Jack Paar Copy Share Image
There was also a hunger strike in front of the National Press Club, which seemed an odd place to have a hunger… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
They always give you three ketchup packets. When you go back up and ask for more, the guy handing them out always… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think I can sing and am funny and have some abilities but I'm not somebody who takes big chances. I'm trying… — Bridget Everett Copy Share Image
It's funny, I used to ask guys who were in shape all the time, like Triple H, 'What do you do?' It… — Big Show Copy Share Image
“You are funny like a kid and awesome like a princess Unseen like an angel, like the morning sunshine… Kindness like a… — M.F. Moonzajer Copy Share Image
... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“It was almost laughable trying to intimidate two men wearing togas, but I still unleashed my full-on I Will Kill You expression.” — Jamie McGuire Copy Share Image
Top 4 Lies - 1: I'm fine. 2: I don't like anyone. 3: That was my last piece of gum. 4: I've… — Gusso Montanna Copy Share Image
Yest I climbed up a tree & read out a bird some of my tweets. She looked at me, shook her head… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
No one had to impose my enemies on me. I selected them myself. I didn't avoid them: I pointed them out, marked… — Jacobo Timerman Copy Share Image
Success is a funny thing. It means different things to different people. For me, I am always pleased when people connect to… — John Varvatos Copy Share Image
“Now, there are things I like just fine about church, and I don’t just mean making money. The notion of getting together… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
Do you recognise me?" he asked. Willie looked hard and considered before finally replying "Lie down so I can recognise you. — Willie Pep Copy Share Image
I bought a house, it's a two bedroom house, but I think it's up to me to decide how many bedrooms there… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I love Adele. Adele is my favorite artist. She's British. She's funny. She's just an amazing, incredible voice, and I love to… — Millie Bobby Brown Copy Share Image
“I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'Your password is incorrect.” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“What do you mean 'speaking of fairy tales'? Since when do fairy tales include gigolos?" Annie asked. "Well, since most fairy-tale princes… — Elle Aycart Copy Share Image
That's the old ecological tale that explains humans' inability to fully appreciate global warming. To wit: if you drop a frog in… — Clive Thompson Copy Share Image
Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
