Funny Quotes · Page 833

The best words for resolving a disagreement are, "I could be wrong; I often am." It's true.

— Brian Tracy

The last time a straight man worked in the fashion industry, we got a fanny pack.

— Chelsea Handler

Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't.

— Bo Burnham

It is never wrong to be on the side of freedom...never .

— Victor Davis Hanson

We never know what’s in us till we stand by ourselves” (George Meredith, ORF)

— George Meredith

that strictly(and how)scienti fic land of supernod where freedom is compulsory and only man is god.

— e. e. cummings

Change ain't looking for friends. Change calls the tune we all dance to.

— Al Swearengen

I am for the ones who represent sense, and so was Jane Austen.

— Mary McCarthy

“I’d given him bits and pieces of my peculiar life, but colored softer and funnier than they had been. I’d painted my…

— Laurie Halse Anderson

If anyone knew where they were, I'd send the ISDBB (Incredibly Stupid and Dumb Beyond Belief) award to the two guys who…

— Erma Bombeck

Instead of having a baby, why dont you get a tattoo of a baby first, and see how that works out for…

— Chelsea Handler

That awkward moment when everyone else understands it but you. But you still act like you did because you'll just Google it…

— Anonymous

Girls are like telephones, they like to be held and talked too, but if you push the wrong buttons, you might get…

— Ritu Ghatourey

“Millions of business people are each constantly forced to choose between their desire to not be a bad person and their desire…

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me "oh don't worry, it happens to a…

— Jimmy Carr

*Working hard homework.* PHONE: 1 new message! *Picks up phone to reply & mom comesin.* MOM: So! You've been texting this whole time.

— Anonymous

Nothing that we love overmuch Is ponderable to our touch.

— William Butler Yeats

Sorry that guy who didn't want to have sex with you didn't turn out to be gay.

— Anonymous

The U.S. victory in Gulf War was a stirring victory for the forces of aggression.

— Dan Quayle

I like some of the B movies that are intentionally funny.

— Owen King

If you're not naughty go to your room. If you are, come to mine.

— Anonymous

You have to talk about what you love, to bring what you love to you.

— Rhonda Byrne

Just because it looks good to you, doesn't mean it's goodfor you

— Richie

I was, am and always will be a student…, the day I stop learning, is the day I die.

— Terence Lewis

The only time you lose at something is when you don't learn from that experience.

— Chuck Norris

There isn't a lot I can do on this planet, but I can be funny.

— Leslie Jordan

Well, the funny thing is, you are never the same person that you were the day before.

— Jon Foreman

Many people dying from natural causes. Forget Aids and Cancer, we need a cure for natural causes.

— Green Monk

HUSBAND, SMART, One who thinks twice before saying nothing;

— Nikhil Saluja

The reason I'm writing funny books is that I wish there were more.

— Christopher Moore

“Seize something wonderful; don't lose your chance waiting for it to become legal.”

— Bauvard

Argue for your limitations and, sure enough, theyre yours.

— Anonymous

If you read love quotes, either it will hit you or you will remember someone

— Anonymous

Don't Take It Seriously * When the DENTIST says, Open wide.

— Nikhil Saluja

I’ve never considered joining Twitter, nor do I know why anybody would.

— Nick Saban

I don't believe in reincarnation, and I didn't believe in it when I was a hamster.

— Shane Richie

I was never coached; I was never told how to hold a bat.

— Donald Bradman

I don't look for [comedic moments] actually, I just live my life.

— Gerry Dee

If you don't stand for something, you stand for nothing.

— Mel Thompson

Some People Just Need A High-Five . . . . . In A Face With A Chair -,-

— Anonymous