“People are less quick to applaud you as you grow older. Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
What I have found that my comedy is doing - and what really drives me - is to sort of bring women… — Iliza Shlesinger Copy Share Image
“Not surprisingly, there's nothing to do at the Pentagon except start a war. Tourist aren't even allowed to take photos with the… — Paul Beatty Copy Share Image
But in Indiana it's not like New York where everyone's like, 'We're from New York and we're the best' or 'We're from… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
A lot of stand-up comedy guys, when they get a little famous, just give up their stand-up career, and it cancels out… — Johnny Knoxville Copy Share Image
“Nonsense. Hardly touched a drop. That much.” She held out two fingers to show how tiny an amount “that much” was. “Just… — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
Life is just chemicals. A drop here, a drip there, everything's changed. A mere dribble of fermented juices and sudenlly you're going… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“There’re three ways to get there from here, each one worse than the last. You can either hold your breath through the… — Kresley Cole Copy Share Image
“I've noticed you only speak ghetto half of the time." - Stephanie "I'm multi-lingual," Rancher said. I followed him to the door,… — Janet Evanovich Copy Share Image
“Annwyl?” Ragnar repeated, suddenly remembering that Keita had said the same name before they’d burst out of the woods. “This is Annwyl?”… — G.A. Aiken Copy Share Image
“In my fantasy world everyone has a happy ending. No one is told who they should be, how they should feel, who… — Shannon L. Alder Copy Share Image
“I read the paragraph again. A peculiar feeling it gave me. I don't know if you have ever experienced the sensation of… — Wodehouse Copy Share Image
At the beggining of my career, for me the comedy circuit was a combination of desperation and the fact that it was… — Eric Bana Copy Share Image
“Xavier, you have given me more grey hairs than all my sons put together.’ Saul frowned, then corrected himself. ‘To be fair,… — Joss Stirling Copy Share Image
“Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Felicity and Ann hunched over their ornaments as if they were fascinating… — Libba Bray Copy Share Image
If we could make up our minds to spare our friends all details of ill health, of money losses, of domestic annoyances,… — Agnes Repplier Copy Share Image
[In comedy] you never want to leave the actors hanging out to dry. So you need to come up with funny individual… — Jeff Schaffer Copy Share Image
“He was a large, fleshy man, weighing at least two hundred pounds, and he quickly became a faithful representation of a quivering… — Jack London Copy Share Image
“Jessamine flushed. "I do not . I mean, I did not. I mean--ugh! Charlotte, Will's being vexing." "And the sun has come… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
“i confess i cannot help myself. i am imaginig my self as his wife. i suppose while im at it , i… — Julianne MacLean Copy Share Image
“It was a relief for someone to explain what was wrong, what had happened. No one else, none of those doctors in… — Catherine Lacey Copy Share Image
A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
Scientists have just built the world's biggest supercollider, and they're doing experiments to see what makes up protons. I hope that if… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
“I’m so sorry, I forget to introduce m’self. Cleo, shat for Cleopaitra, cause m’ daddy always said I look like an Egyptian… — Elle Klass Copy Share Image
“She was foolish to think his attention rested on her. Who, knew, maybe he loved a good mullet and liked playing the… — Eden Summers Copy Share Image
'Seinfeld' was an amazing show. It's iconic and defined a whole generation of comedy writers - but by their own admission, that… — Nahnatchka Khan Copy Share Image
He burst into one of his rare fits of laughter as he turned away from the picture. I have not heard him… — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
“At the top of his file was a three-dimensional holograph scanned in from his military graduation. Cress preferred it to the infamous… — Marissa Meyer Copy Share Image
“People…ladies, I mean…they dye their hair sometimes,” I explained to him. “So one day they have red hair and another day they… — Diane Chamberlain Copy Share Image
“She met the Lusitanian cooks, a husband and wife team whose passionate screams in Portuguese during their fights and lovemaking were legendary… — Meljean Brook Copy Share Image
I wouldn't say I'm personally trying to transition from comedy into drama. I don't look at things like, 'Oh, I need to… — Ashton Kutcher Copy Share Image
What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
“She’d rather make love to him then watch any movie. “We don’t have to. Did I do something wrong?” That made him… — Alisha Rai Copy Share Image
I asked these Indians: "Do men ever make Chicha?" My question was met with gales of laughter. The women howled. Bent over… — Alan D. Eames Copy Share Image
My father was one-eighth Cherokee indian and my mother was quarter-blood Cherokee. I never got far enough in arithmetic to figure out… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
You do what you're supposed to do, but you have to be honest about what they're doing. When you do a comedy… — Joe Rogan Copy Share Image
“There is nothing better than to be headed into the mountains on a clean fresh day with the sun rising through the… — Patrick Mcmanus Copy Share Image
“...and it is generally understood that a party hardly ever goes the way it is planned or intended. This last, of course,… — John Steinbeck Copy Share Image
Life ain't easy. Terrible things happen to everyone. You have to keep your sense of humor, give something of yourself to others,… — George Vaillant Copy Share Image
I wish I knew all the answers, how to be perfect, attractive and witty. But I'm just a human being with all… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
![“[In comedy] you never want to leave the actors hanging out to dry. So you need to come up with funny individual stories for each character, and then you do this sort of comedy geometry, weaving them together. Once you've got a funny structure and you know why the scenes are funny, then you get…” quote by Jeff Schaffer](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/34d/jeff-schaffer-61497_actors_in-comedy-you-never-want-to-leave-the-ac_2937400.jpg)
