“GRANDMA: Are you a gay? ORPHEUS: I am straight. I'm definitely dating a girl, gran. Do you think she's a man? *She… — Scarlett Brukett Copy Share Image
“I’m nobody’s sidekick,” Annabeth growled. “And, Percy, his accent sounds familiar because he sounds like his mother. We killed her in New… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
“[. . .] a super-rat. I nailed it across the eyes once with a lucky shot with the butt of my gun,… — Warren Ellis Copy Share Image
“How come you" - I gasped - "recovered so quickly?" "I dove." "What?" "I don't know how I knew. I think I… — Brodi Ashton Copy Share Image
“People are funny sometimes, and that includes me. Every now and then we do or don't do something and we can't explain… — Gil Miller Copy Share Image
“They seem nice, though, your sisters, really,' Porcelain remarked. 'Ha!' I said. 'Shows what little you know! I hate them!' 'Hate them?… — Alan Bradley Copy Share Image
“The woman spoke with a heavy western North Carolina accent, which I used to discredit her authority. Here was a person for… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I got jury duty and I didn't want to go, so my friend said, "You should write something really really racist on… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
“She looked like a character from a video game. One of those improbably busty, impossibly well-armed superchicks who could do acrobatics and… — Jonathan Maberry Copy Share Image
“I'm sorry, but why does Claire know how to take a punch? I'm not sure I like where this is going," Carter… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
I think, in comedy, timing is everything. You and I could tell the same joke, but if one of our timing is… — T.I Copy Share Image
It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, because it seems… — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
“To have the versatility to adapt, accompanied by courage, spiritual strength, perseverance and dedication, leads to a successful life. To put your… — Shailah Edmonds Copy Share Image
“Ben was in his truck, window down, idling at the curb, dark lenses hiding his eyes from her, looking effortlessly big and… — Jill Shalvis Copy Share Image
I really like doing television shows, and I anticipated doing a comedy, because thats the place I feel the most comfortable -… — Lizzy Caplan Copy Share Image
“I don’t want to be a widow, I don’t want Michael Bayning, and I don’t want you to joke about such things,… — Lisa Kleypas Copy Share Image
“For the first time, I was glad that Finn had badgered me into buying the Aston, because the car purred into high… — Jennifer Estep Copy Share Image
“She might have to use her employee discount to buy something more threatening today, although at the moment the most dangerous thing… — Stephanie Bond Copy Share Image
I very easily decide in certain situations that I'm an outsider. That's just my own craziness. I think that I have sympathy… — Jonathan Coulton Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We were married and I walked into the room to see you in my new black… — Georgia Saratsioti Copy Share Image
The prospects for a coherent, hilarious and consistent American comedy seem to lessen every year, as the poor waterlogged, gassy corpse called… — Stephen Hunter Copy Share Image
“Tiger resists. "WAIT. We're ALL friends HERE. What is it you wanna talk about? SEX? The new DILDO my mom bought me?… — Giorge Leedy Copy Share Image
With my father and sister being very depressed for most of their lives, it was incumbent on me to try to make… — Miriam Toews Copy Share Image
“Why aren't you at school?" I ask suddenly. "It's a holiday," he says, a little too quickly. "Right. What holiday would that… — Gretchen Powell Copy Share Image
“Would you like to hear more romance of the evening? He told me that the Guard should be reduced by half, and… — Megan Whalen Turner Copy Share Image
“Do you want the good news or the bad news first?" I shrug. "The bad news, I guess?" "Alright. You're a horrible… — Scott Reintgen Copy Share Image
“Don't wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty. Chocolate isn't like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant. And it… — Lora Brody Copy Share Image
“Nothing - really, absolutely nothing - says more about Victorian Britain and its capacity for brilliance than that the century's most daring… — Bill Bryson Copy Share Image
When I got emancipated from the foster care program and I became homeless, it was a struggle. I was working at an… — Tiffany Haddish Copy Share Image
“I honestly never once heard them fight. They yelled at us kids all the time, but never at each other. My siblings… — Kathy Griffin Copy Share Image
“That's a sweet piece," said Jean, briefly forgetting to be aggravated. "You didn't snatch that off a street." "No," said Locke, before… — Scott Lynch Copy Share Image
The Internet has done nothing but good for comedy all around. Comedians no longer have to rely on TV execs and club… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
“You can’t wear that outfit around Fiona.” “I earned the right to wear this uniform.” “And you should be commended for that.… — Julie Miller Copy Share Image
“A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a… — Rolf Dobelli Copy Share Image
I've known Alan Zweibel since 1975, and I've always had this sneaking suspicion that he might possess a sense of humor. After… — Rob Reiner Copy Share Image
“Tut!' I said. 'What did you say?' 'I said "Tut!"' 'Say it once again, and I'll biff you where you stand. I've… — P.G.Wodehouse Copy Share Image
“About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part… — Harvard Lampoon Copy Share Image
“Have I nothing new, nothing diverting, in my whimsical way, thou askest in one of thy letters to entertain thee with? and… — Samuel Richardson Copy Share Image
“You'll have to excuse Zo's manners. She was raised by a group of indigenous swamp wallabies and is at times uncomfortable conversing… — Jennifer Lynn Barnes Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Stop leaving couches on the sidewalk. Besides being lazy and ugly, it's animal cruelty. You teach your dog not to… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
![“[. . .] a super-rat. I nailed it across the eyes once with a lucky shot with the butt of my gun, but it got up again and shat in my telephone.” quote by Warren Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/34d/warren-ellis-2541_detective-fiction_a-super-rat-i-nailed-it-across-the-eyes_2952253.jpg)
