Humor Quotes · Page 471

“There is absolutely no reason to be a dick, just because you have one.”

— Jonna Ivin

“I don't mind people talking about me behind my back. It means they know me, and I'm out in front.”

— David Lucero

“When they figure out how to bottle up orgasms and sell them as a food additive, I'll be first in line.”

— Nenia Campbell

“Not that I can’t handle things myself, but since I’ve got you, I may as well use you.”

— Robin Bielman

“Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop.”

— Lewis Carroll

“If they have to drag some of you fucking fuckers out of here in body bags, I will be so fucking stoked.”

— Michael Ian Black

“There are people who walk mules and people walk horses, but I never thought there were people who walk cops.”

— Mo Yan

“Love is meant to be sipped, rather than chugged, like a glass of wine you drink strait from the bottle.
”

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I don't know if I would call my comedy shows artistic, but sometimes, when you have a clever person lighting it, there…

— Tim Key

“Shit is another useful word. Also very common. For example, pleasantly surprised? You say 'No shit?' You think someone tells you tales,…

— Jane Yolen

“Only three things are real: God, human folly, and laughter. Since we can do nothing with the first two, we must do…

— John Fitzgerald Kennedy

My background is in musical comedy. I didn't know I was going to be an actor. But all my points of reference…

— Christopher Walken

“... Good gracious, Jerry, you'll probably have to marry the girl.' Joanna was half serious, half laughing. It was at that moment…

— Agatha Christie

“If she had been a normal female, she would have swooned. But she was not normal, never had been. “Good grief, you…

— Loretta Chase

There is only one way of surviving all the early heartbreaks in this business. You must have a sense of humor. And…

— Al Pacino

People love authenticity in comedy and, coming from a region, you get a very strong sense of place. They can place you…

— Ardal O'Hanlon

Are we about to have some sort of wild west comedy tweet standoff? No one wins in this situation. Except me. But…

— Jason Segel

Manners are a way of getting what you want without appearing to be an absolute swine.

— Quentin Crisp

I like that kind of 'straight-faced' comedy. I like to be straight-faced and outrageous.

— Leslie Nielsen

I think both of us [ with Steve Oram], once we decided to do comedy, knew that we would have to come…

— Alice Lowe

Joy and laughter are the gifts of living in the presence of God and trusting that tomorrow is not worth worrying about.

— Henri Nouwen

“A line of perspiration slipped down my spine like a waterslide at an unamusement park.”

— Michelle Rowen

“He peered down at me. “Jesus Christ. You’re leaking.” If by “leaking” he meant “sobbing like a girl,” I guess so.”

— Lili St. Crow

Im the type of person who laughs at my own texts before I send them because I'm so damn funny

— Gabby

“That was the wonderful thing about historical novels, one met so many famous people. It was like reading a very old copy…

— Edward St. Aubyn

It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me.' Being popular is poison.

— Zach Galifianakis

I can be dramatic. I can be funny. I can be sexy. I can be sad. I can be glad.

— Kimberly Elise

“My cape caught fire. I dived to the sand and rolled on the ground to snuff the flames. So much for my…

— Maria V. Snyder

“Wasnt it Startre who said hell was eternity spent in a room with your friends?”

— L.J. Smith

The circumstances In which I grew up In Poland were not auspicious for humor.

— Krzysztof Penderecki

'Understanding' art is like having a sense of humour - if you don't have one, no amount of explanation is going to…

— Michael Craig-Martin

I think that in any role you have, whether TV or film, it's hard to do comedy and drama within one story.

— Callie Thorne

Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point.

— Mark Twain

“Warthogpox High School was the worst school in the city of Wyvernwing, and Harry Hames Moffer was its most infamous student.”

— Jacquel Chrissy May

You can get away with making some extremely bold statements by Trojan Horsing them into a narrative via comedy.

— Camille Perri

I think it's that much harder to make a good comedy than it is straight and apparently serious.

— Guy Ritchie

“I despise Wednesdays! They are the Marquis de Sade of the work week. Wednesday are so awful that...wait..what? It's Thurs? (face-palm)”

— L.G.A. McIntyre

I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... an Arctic region covered with ice.

— Steve Martin

I feel, for the most part, especially in comedy, you make your own work, and maybe that's true across the board.

— Anna Faris

Is it spoken word? Kinda, but that's a weird area. Is it comedy? Well, it's funny but no, it's not comedy.

— Bruce McCulloch