“Well, don't stand about like that, man; if you're no use you're certainly no ornament. Bring that in and tell me what… — Stephen Baxter Copy Share Image
We started with 53,000 people. Half are gone, but surprisingly, most are still here! — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
Religion is indeed the opiate of the masses. Except for Islam, its more like Crystal Meth. — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
As for the demented, I hold it certain that all beings deprived of reason are thus afflicted only by the Devil. — Martin Luther Copy Share Image
If sex were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I wouldn't wear you out in public. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“he plunged out into the winter night bursting with the belated eloquence of the inarticulate” — Edith Wharton Copy Share Image
“You’re not going to campus. You’re going out to get drunk and play with other ladies’ boobies.” - Kye” — Krista Alasti Copy Share Image
If I ever meet C.S. Lewis in person I will either apologize to him or punch him in the head, depending on… — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
If you have a sense of irony or humour, you're usually cut down, as you're usually distorted or misinterpreted. So it does… — David Blunkett Copy Share Image
“This is the worst of the bunch. Definitely the smokiest. I don't think they want us to leave," said Montoya. "The ants… — Jason bengtson Copy Share Image
When you fall, fake friends smirk and walk away. True friends help you up and ask if you're okay. I am a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A sense of humor is the best indicator that you will recover; it is often the best indicator that people will love… — Andrew Solomon Copy Share Image
“If I really cared about Matt, I wouldn’t want him to be unhappy. And I was fairly sure that mourning the untimely… — J.L. Merrow Copy Share Image
“Oh, it'll definitely fool the Germans," Cess said. "There's no clearer proof that there's an army in the area than beer bottles… — Connie Willis Copy Share Image
“Dear Producers, Something is radiating deep within me and it must be transmitted or I will implode and the world will suffer… — Dave Eggers Copy Share Image
The fundamental question is: 'Will I be a successful president when it comes to foreign policy?' I will be, but until I'm… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
“I'm so sorry," said Kevin. "So selfish. I'm actually totally selfish, but I've been trying to cut back.” — Z.A. Maxfield Copy Share Image
Stand-up comedy is mine: it's my entity; it's my brand; I own it. I do it when I want to do it. — Kevin Hart Copy Share Image
“I had a dream that my boyfriend went back to his ex…I woke up and giggled because you don’t pick up a… — Starley Ard Copy Share Image
I think humor is warmer, and wit is colder. Wit is judgment, whereas humor invites some sort of response. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
It's always been said that comedy comes mostly out of the dark side anyway. — Alan Thicke Copy Share Image
I would recommend that anyone who wants to do comedy on TV to do radio first. — David Walliams Copy Share Image
I think fans are going to get everything you'd expect from 'The Office', from awkwardness, to a lot of humor and heart. — Craig Robinson Copy Share Image
“I notice that I don’t experience much self-doubt when I’m talking about the weather.” — Jason W. Freeman Copy Share Image
A witty illustration or an apt story will accomplish more than columns of argument. — Chauncey Depew Copy Share Image
I value each woman for what she has to offer whether it be charm-beauty-wit-intelligence or humor but warmth is the quality I… — Marlon Brando Copy Share Image
“If you count sheep before you go to sleep, are you barrrrr'd from dreams?” — Benny Bellamacina Copy Share Image
“The good thing is Jason and I both outrank you so we can both tell you to shut up.” — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe! — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
“You’d be surprised what an eleven-year-old can get away with.” —Tuppence” — Richard Due Copy Share Image
I don't think my career would be as good if I were a serious actress. Comedy is less age-conscious. — Jennifer Coolidge Copy Share Image
“THIS IS A COMPLIMENT? You're incrediburgable she said which is to say You're a little like incredible but a lot more like… — Chocolate Waters Copy Share Image
People are like, 'How did you get so funny?' And I'm like, 'Wait, am I funny?' — Sarah Cooper Copy Share Image
“Humidity did terrible things to me. I‘d be much prettier if I lived in the desert.” — Kim Harrington Copy Share Image
“You've already got everything you need to succeed right in-front of your tits” — Runa Magnus Copy Share Image
“I'd be very happy if someone remembered that there are no capitals in my name. (Sigh) cj petterson” — Cj Petterson Copy Share Image
“Eve, did you marry me for my money?" "You bet your ass. And you'd better hold on to it, or I'm history"… — J.D. Robb Copy Share Image
“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, you will be a mile away from him, and… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think comedy tells a lot; you can tell what people think by what they laugh at. — Riaad Moosa Copy Share Image
I think how tan a person is, is directly proportionate to how dumb they are. — Natasha Leggero Copy Share Image
