Humor Quotes · Page 470

“It’s a one of a kind, camel-toe couch. For when yoga pants aren’t enough.”

— H.M. Ward

There's been shock waves sent throughout all parts of the nation's economic fabric.

— George W. Bush

A woman may have a witty tongue or a stinging pen but she will never laugh at her own individual shortcomings.

— Irvin S. Cobb

“Yes, life is hard, but it's not a bad way to pass the time. When all is said and done, I recommend…

— Nury Vittachi

“He felt that,’ Dani said, trembling with joy. ‘He really felt that,’ Sunny squealed. ‘That,’ Leo declared, ‘was artistry.”

— Belinda Kelderhouse

“I had a dream about you last night. We watched pornography together, but purely for the storyline.”

— Michael Summers

At the heart of quantum mechanics is a rule that sometimes governs politicians or CEOs-as long as no one is watching, anything…

— Lawrence M. Krauss

“The sickness you bear is called pervertedness! It won't heal for a lifetime!" - Hakari”

— Maki Minami

The first series of 'Open All Hours' came and went without much fanfare because the BBC, in its almighty wisdom, put it…

— David Jason

When it's a comedy or drama or horror or romance, it's all the same. You want to be honest with the character.…

— Mila Kunis

The fine line between roaring with laughter and crying because it's a disaster is a very, very fine line. You see a…

— Roald Dahl

You don't wake up one morning and say, 'Today is going to be a comedy day.' And the next day, 'Today's going…

— Will Arnett

“True heroes and ideas never fall in the final sense of the word. They can only encounter temporary setbacks in their difficult…

— Janvier Chouteu-Chando

“What had been so funny? But you can never remember what you were laughing about, and even if you could, it seems…

— Rufi Thorpe

I think in most cases, if you're with good people, comedy creation happens faster in collaboration. That's how I can tell if…

— Harry Shearer

“Hunter was bipolar, for crying out loud. He had checked into the nut house on more than one occasion and, honestly, I…

— Chase Brooks

“If you're too serious to make life a laughing matter, then you seriously need to make laughter matter to you today and…

— Jeannine M. Luby

A friend has to asks you whats wrong, a good friend has a shoulder for you to cry on, but a best-friend…

— Anonymous

Juilliard gave me the ability to go and do classical, contemporary, comedy, drama, everything.

— Wendell Pierce

“Girls like good-looking guys, and I am not very good-looking. In fact, I sort of look like a pudding”

— Jesse Andrews

“Your problem is a serious lack of imagination. You can’t imagine being different than you are.”

— Linda Morris

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

— Billy Connolly

Cat's don't expect birthday presents, they think they already own everything.

— Anonymous

Join the Army! Travel to exotic, distant lands. Meet exciting, unusual people, and kill them.

— Full Metal Jacket

This world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel.

— Horace Walpole

I have not seen anyone die of laughter, but I know millions are dying because they are not laughing.

— James Merrow

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

— Mark Twain

“It's kind of shocking to hear Toby called a babe; sort of like calling God a studmuffin.”

— Margaret Atwood

“I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.”

— Dorothy Parker

“can't even sleep through the night without you and those sun-dried ginger ale complected limbs crocheted into my thighs...”

— Brandi L. Bates

“A brick and a blanket are the perfect symbols for the superhero Captain Dense.”

— Nicole McKay

I never really saw myself as a comedy director, and I still don't. I see myself as a director.

— Melina Matsoukas

It's always amazed me how little attention philosophers, psychologists, or anyone else actually has paid to humor.

— Edward de Bono

“Hey, do you mind not squeezing my head off. I remember how powerful those thighs are.”

— Anonymous

“Nobody evers seems to realize that a statistic is just a coincidence that has had a lot of experience.”

— S.L. Varnado

“Dragons didn’t fool around when it came to protecting things that they acquired—be it gold, gems, or a monster’s body parts.”

— Lisa Shearin

I loved musicals, love them still. But also, I'm really inspired by comedy music.

— Rachel Bloom

“Don't call a woman a bitch. Call her an ass-hole. It still gets your point across and it's not sexist.”

— Eleanor Roosevelt

“Down with tyranny!' Bramble cried. 'Aristocracy! Autocracy! Monocracy! Other ocracy things! You are outnumbered, sir! Surrender !”

— Heather Dixon

“Stop doing that." He motioned at her face. "Don't- Argh! Alright! There's something else. Just turn off the sprinklers.”

— Lauren Stewart