Humor Quotes · Page 468

Laughter is the best medicine...next to Oxycontin...and of course medicinal marijuana.

— Anonymous

“I never arrive unannounced without something big and juicy in hand. - Simon Hunt”

— dannika dark

“trying to restore some kind of natural balance of humors in the world.”

— Kate Atkinson

I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air.

— Marc Maron

Life is not a tragedy, it is a comedy. To be alive means to have a sense of humor.

— Rajneesh

Ann and I will carry out this equivocal message to the world: Markets must be open.

— George W. Bush

All my relatives and friends have been pretty aware of my brand of humor for a while, so none of them have…

— Nikki Glaser

I was crazy about silent comedy - in the old days, and crazy about Japanese movies.

— Keith Johnstone

When you're doing an out-and-out comedy, the notion of preparing for a character - I hope I don't reveal too much of…

— Will Ferrell

I'd like to do a reality show with four white people...who are dropped off in a really bad black neighborhood. And the…

— Zach Galifianakis

As a man who tried to explain in his own way that people have to learn to get along with each other.…

— Sherwood Schwartz

Getting you a date to prom is so hard that the hypothetical idea itself is actually used to cut diamonds," I added.…

— John Green

Jason [Nash] is just someone that I've known socially and through his stand-up, seeing him do different comedy shows, and I just…

— Busy Philipps

“Max replies, "Why the fuck n- Oh man, are you gettin' lucky?" I quickly do up Asher's jeans and stand. Max bursts…

— Belle Aurora

“Are you afraid?" Volker questioned while sitting at the table and getting comfortable. "No. But I have incredible luck with dice and…

— Shelly Laurenston

“Rule number one: wear loose clothing. No Problem. Rule number two: no alcohol for the next three days. Slight problem. I'll miss…

— Eric Weiner

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.

— Bill Cosby

“I had this dream about you. We went hunting up in the mountains and I caught a unicorn. You told me now…

— Crystal Hudson

“You told you were a hero! That you were discharged, ‘Above Honorable’! Turns out you were simply defeated by a mutant penis…

— Dexter Herron

In life, comedy occurs naturally, as it should, in the most appalling of circumstances.

— Peter Baynham

I like to smoke a pipe, because it's the punch line indicator. Whenever I take a hit of the pipe, you should…

— Mitch Hedberg

The funny thing about stopping is that as soon as you do it, here you are.

— Jon Kabat-Zinn

The best comedy comes from having real moments, heart and all. You can't just have people making jokes over and over and…

— Molly Gordon

J. makes me laugh. He's incredibly dry and has a pretty harsh sense of humor that I enjoy.

— Lou Barlow

The phrase 'unconscious humor' is the one contribution I have made to the current literature of the day.

— Samuel Butler

A remarkable memoir that's packed with anecdotes, advice and humor, all while maintaining a high level of dignity and self-awareness.

— Steve Martin

If the existence of human beings leads to nothing, what is all this comedy about?

— Camille Flammarion

All drugs of any interest to any moderately intelligent person in America are now illegal.

— Thomas Szasz

I dont mind god's sense of humour but its waiting for the punchline that is killing me...

— Boaz Zippor

“Jeg må vel konstatere, at jeg har et talent for at blive upgrated. Der er jo ingen grund til at kalde det…

— Jørgen Leth

“I think that God's got a sick sense of humour, and when I die I expect to find him laughing.”

— Depeche Mode

The pathway to enlightenment leads to states of ecstasy, knowledge, and a pretty ironic sense of humor.

— Frederick Lenz

Beer:$10, Weed:$20, Condoms:$2.75. Finding out she swallows and has no gag reflex... PRICELESS! Fuck mastercard it pays to discover!

— Anonymous

The comic is the perception of the opposite; humor is the feeling of it.

— Umberto Eco

Mama is funny. She has a great sense of humor and loves a good joke. Loves a practical joke, too.

— Reba McEntire

I do enjoy doing action quite clearly, but I also really like doing comedy.

— Chris Pine

Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human…

— Erma Bombeck

Calories: the tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes that tiny bit tighter every night.

— Anonymous

In Bollywood, I think Boman Irani and Vinay Pathak are unbelievably good at comedy.

— Vir Das

As far as the legal hassling and wrangling and posturing in Florida, I would suggest you talk to our team in Florida…

— George W. Bush