Humor Quotes · Page 426

“What have you done?” Shadow asked her, his eyes alive with fear. “I dunno, but I wish I hadn't.”

— Keisha Keenleyside

Laughter is holier than piety, freedom is sweeter than fame, and in the end it's love and love alone that really matters.

— Tom Robbins

I am reasonably nice-looking and have quite an expressive face, which is good for comedy.

— Richard Herring

“Comedy doesn't makes your IQ higher… ... Read Science... and don't re-read books for higher IQ!”

— Deyth Banger

“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.”

— Ogden Nash

So on behalf of a well-oiled unit of people who came together to serve something greater than themselves, congratulations.

— George W. Bush

“Why, on to the castle, to kill the royal family, and claim the throne that isn't mine by right!”

— Richard Curtis

“You’ll be reading the breakfast menu without me before you know it.” Hmm, maybe I don’t want to learn French”

— Stephanie Perkins

“I think preconceived ideas or prejudgments are meant to give us an edge whenever we are dealing with others we don’t know…

— Janvier Chouteu-Chando

My father said, "Okay, enough with the Jewish school." He put me into a public school and he said, "If you are…

— Chantal Akerman

“Then, there was a sudden, sharp pain in the bum and everything went dizzy, then dark. A poison peppermint dart had been…

— Eric Arvin

But I think our humour is exactly the same today. Only, we've made rules now. We've said we are not going to…

— Jennifer Saunders

People who go for humor are wonderful because they do great humor. People who go for wit and end up with humor…

— Robert Benton

“And there it is! Bravo! I knew it was only a matter of time before Byron realized he had an audience. That…

— Kirt J. Boyd

People often ask why comedy is harder for women, and the reason is because a tampon will sometimes fall out when you're…

— Jenny Eclair

The only way physical comedy works is if you don't see it coming. And the harder the fall, the funnier it is.…

— Chris Pratt

“He was a dastardly fellow,” the beer mug continued happily. “Truly repugnant. And smelled! Oh, lad, the stench could knock over an…

— M.L. LeGette

“This was just the way I imagined myself around Nancy Grace--available, yet distant.”

— Chelsea Handler

“Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.
”

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

“Which is like saying the sun can get hotter, or the ocean deeper, or reality shows more annoying.”

— Wendy Mills

A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room,…

— Rodney Dangerfield

“Jarod Kintz gets so many retweets, he’s like Katniss Everdeen with tourettes in a forest full of Mockingjays.”

— Ryan Lilly

“If he's like any other man I've ever met, it's not my smile he's going to be looking at.”

— Brad Thor

“I hate it when people say 'follow your heart.' That is not a morally sufficient reason for stalking.”

— Karl Kristian Flores

Laughter brings you to the earth, brings you down from your stupid ideas of being holier-than-thou.

— Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free.

— Anonymous

People wouldn't hire me for comedies. They would say, 'Oh, he doesn't do comedy,' and now it's really all I do.

— Kevin Dillon

“Lies. The great human weapon. Pathetic. I'd say "pathetic" would be falling for them. Especially Kitty's.”

— Joss Whedon

I love dry British humor. I love to sketch in my off time. I love tequila.

— Maren Morris

“Shrouded in his red cassock, he padded off to the bathroom lost in the silent ecstasy or wearing new socks.”

— Julia Stuart

In our most desperate times, people going through true hardships use humor to cope.

— Sean Baker

At sleepovers: Friends= Oh they're still sleeping, I'll just wait...Best Friends= Wake up b*tch, I'm hungry.

— Anonymous

If you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly.

— Mitch Hedberg

I love going to the movie theatre, seeing live comedy, and going to amusement parks.

— Jennette McCurdy

“We assassinate. We don't accessorize. But I understand how it is possible to confuse the two.”

— Angelika Rust

You definitely have to have a sense of humor. It's not always serious when it comes to basketball.

— Eric Bledsoe

There are many problems with being a comedian: the travel, the late nights, the pressure, the fear of running out of funny…

— Jon Richardson

“In that day, we didn't have no remote controls and vacuum cleaners. If you wanted all that stuff you had children!”

— Anonymous

When he is without money, his wife becomes secretary; When he has money, his secretary becomes wife. Man O Man!

— Irfan Khan

I've always been very zealous about not invading other people's private spaces.

— Peter Jennings