“It's a lady with a stick. Are we pirates or what?" They pondered this fact for a moment. "It's a big stick,"… — Sean Cullen Copy Share Image
“If you don't laugh at the crazy things, you're liable to lose your mind.” — Andrew Sturm Copy Share Image
It's great to be able to pretend you're tough but funny at the same time. — Adam Baldwin Copy Share Image
“I do like a bit of flyin'. Comedy flying is one of my favourite things. I think it rates up there with… — Jennifer Saunders Copy Share Image
I wanted to be a vet before I got into comedy, but then once I found out how much gore goes into… — Brian Posehn Copy Share Image
If you look at a bill of comics at a comedy club they spread the women out over the months because there… — Sarah Millican Copy Share Image
“This book is a guide to living life the right way, like the Bible is for crazies and weak people (JK, bro),… — Eugene Mirman Copy Share Image
“Imagine that. You just can't let your entire life go by worrying about your damned thighs. You'd never find happiness.” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“There are some people that see the half full cup and get upset about where the other half of the cup went...… — Daniel Prokop Copy Share Image
You don't service a big, fun premise comedy and then shoot yourself in the foot with too much irony. You need the… — Shawn Levy Copy Share Image
I always feel that comedy, at its best, tackles issues that are controversial, polarizing, volatile, and sheds light onto those issues and… — Randall Park Copy Share Image
“Gryffindor is the courageous one right? I mean, I’m here because I have the balls to tell adults when they’re douche bags,… — Trish Cook, Brendan Halpin Copy Share Image
“I picked up a transsexual hooker named Thor, all six feet of her, at the off ramp to Eau Claire, Wisconsin, as… — J.A. Konrath Copy Share Image
The image of a person completely covered in cotton candy made me laugh the most. I'm not sure why. To me, being… — Misha Collins Copy Share Image
Sometimes I become the comedy jukebox. I read the emails, people give me requests.The shows are just amazing; they're packed with people… — Pablo Francisco Copy Share Image
“Her name...was Mrs. marina Orlova, and she had grown up in Siberia. Later, she would tell him that she loathed the American… — Dan Chaon Copy Share Image
I was in my friends garage, and he had; a kite, a yo-yo, and a boomerang. I was like "Dude, you have… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Laughter makes the bitter swallowing of truth, for some, a little easier. — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
“always serve too much hot fudge sause on the hot fudge sundaes.It makes people overjoyed,and puts them in your debt” — Judith Olney Copy Share Image
“How am I supposed to believe you when you're obviously carrying a fake monogram Gucci Bag?” — Madi Brown Copy Share Image
I predict Obama will get an early lead, then all the Republicans will get off of work. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's one thing to break stuff and damage people's possessions, but when you start aiming at the ideology of America, that's dangerous… — Adam McKay Copy Share Image
All I know how to do is take what's on my mind and spit it out funny. I don't know what else… — Ron White Copy Share Image
My dad had a great sense of humor; he was a very funny guy and did know how to laugh. — Mary L. Trump Copy Share Image
Things are more complex today, and I think humor has changed a a great deal. People are more sensitive today. — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
“Home is where, when you go there and tell people to get out, they have to leave.” — Jim Butcher Copy Share Image
“Some women are built by the fire. Yet, there are some that are the FIRE!” — Shannon L. Alder Copy Share Image
I learned that on kids' shows, you have to eat a lot of stuff. A lot of the humor comes from food… — Linda Cardellini Copy Share Image
Listen, my philosophy is this: If you don't have a good sense of humor, you're better off dead. — Roger Rabbit Copy Share Image
“Ducks like balloons. Think about THAT next time your child has a birthday party and you choose to not invite all of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
Doing funny roles is something I enjoy as I am like that in my personal life. — Arbaaz Khan Copy Share Image
“If you are toasting a toaster waffle, you can never be toasting a pancake” — Jacob Blumenstein Copy Share Image
If there are moments in my work when people find joy and humour, that's a real success for me. — Patricia Piccinini Copy Share Image
Bobby Ball, who plays my dad in 'Not Going Out,' is very funny. He has a magical sense for comedy that nobody… — Lee Mack Copy Share Image
Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English. — David Cross Copy Share Image
If you've fallin asleep during a movie...you're no longer watching the movie the movie is watching you...wishing it could go to sleep… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Women, a lot of the time, are so much funnier than men, but they just choose not to do comedy for a… — Ali Wong Copy Share Image
Always keep a smile. I attribute my long life to that. I believe I will die laughing. That's part of my program. — Jeanne Calment Copy Share Image
“...the chapters on whaling in MOBY DICK can be omitted by all but the most punishment-loving readers.” — William Goldman Copy Share Image
When I first saw a strap on, I put it on my head and ran around like a rhino. — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
