If you don't laugh at the crazy things, you're liable to…

“Everyone hated Calculus. Quadratic equations, parabolas, logarithms, trigonometry - you name it. It was like floating in an endless, frictionless void traveling at x…

— Andrew Sturm

“A great man will experience more failures than successes. If we lived for the successes, we would have all killed ourselves by now.”

— Andrew Sturm

“Love happens in the strangest places at the strangest times.”

— Andrew Sturm

No matter how you twist and turn, your ass is always in the back

— Andrew Sturm

“There's no such thing as a sane woman.”

— Andrew Sturm

“Becoming an adult is all about accepting that you didn't know anything when you were a kid.”

— Andrew Sturm

“Love's a funny thing, especially with a man who gets paid to put junk in other people's slots. (The Mail Man)”

— Andrew Sturm

“Learn to be embarrassed by little and sorry about even less.”

— Andrew Sturm

“I had a quack in the floor. So, I had to use ductile.”

— Andrew Sturm

“All of life is like raindrops on the window; some stick around for a little while and some just fall right out of the…

— Andrew Sturm

“I'm not saying you're weak, but you brawl like a couple of girls having a pillow fight.”

— Andrew Sturm

“Can I get a two-thumbs up for a fatter America?”

— Andrew Sturm

“His heart beat so rapidly it might burst; he kept telling himself everything was fine so long as he remained a giraffe.”

— Andrew Sturm

“People cheer on tyrants for fear of becoming targets.”

— Andrew Sturm

“I've gotta die of something, but I don't wanna die of it today.”

— Andrew Sturm