I'm inspired by making people laugh at subjects that should make them cry. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I always loved comedy, but it never seemed like something that I could do professionally. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I never knew if I would get my own show, but I knew I loved stand-up. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I try to retire jokes as soon as I can once I put them on an album. But I can't think of… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Comedy Central made me delete the Boston Marathon joke. I wasn't happy about it but, despite popular belief, I can occasionally be… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I guess I prefer the laughs. I couldn't do a whole set of just shocks, but I like throwing a fastball inside… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Im not the voice of reason; Im more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
In comedy, I hate that cop-out where you say, "Just kidding." I know you're just kidding. Don't insult my intelligence by spelling… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations. One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
The driving force behind doing everything that I've been doing as a stand-up is having problems with authority and not liking to… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
The one thing I've found you really can't joke about - and people think it's death or something - is money. No… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I can stand by a tweet. But Comedy Central said they couldn't publicly support me, unless I deleted it. I wasn't about… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
If I tell a joke on stage and the crowd laughs for a minute, I stand there for a minute and enjoy… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I'm a comedian and there are a lot of things I'm still learning. I love one liners because I love smart jokes.… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Dark humor appealed to me because it was a bigger laugh than you could get with anything else. Seeing people laugh at… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
It was important to me to be cool as a comedian. I didn't want to be a crowd-pleaser who sent out the… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I try to write three jokes every morning, although I don't know what they are. I write them as fast as I… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
You can't expect everyone to laugh or applaud you for doing edgy things. Sometimes you'll miss. But I think comedians are artists… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Usually the beginning of a story that people hear a lot. For example, "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut" or… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I think the reason I became funny was because if I made people laugh, they would let me keep talking. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I'm not the voice of reason; I'm more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I never go see live comedy shows because I just sit in the audience thinking, "Here's what I would say. Here's what… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
My perfect night would be going out to an awesome restaurant, then heading over to the Comedy Cellar to hang out with… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I think some people just don't know that much about comedy. It would be like a person who didn't know anything about… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else,… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
My first time on stage was the class "graduation" at the Comedy Store. It was awesome. Everything got huge laughs and I… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
It seemed fun to play a villain on stage and I wanted my jokes to be so good that I could just… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
The driving force behind doing everything that I've been doing for 11 years as a stand-up is having problems with authority and… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
The world is full of horrible things that will eventually get you and everything you care about. Laughter is a universal way… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
That's the worst way you can hear about comedy material: from a third person's blog story that they wrote when they were… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Disasters are funny to me. As a comedian you learn from failure, so I'm always trying to put myself in a situation… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to cover it… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a while to… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night talk show.… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
I actually never acted on "Deadwood." I have meetings all the time where people look at my IMDb page and see that I played… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
I was a weird kid because I liked to be alone, but I craved attention. It was important for me to be cool, but… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
I love Pittsburgh. Most of my family still lives there and I try to get back a couple of times a year. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations. One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them in the… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
