All I know how to do is take what's on my mind and spit it out funny. I don't know what else… — Ron White Copy Share Image
All of my comedian friends are some of the best joke writers in the world. — Ron White Copy Share Image
If I sit down to write a joke about, whatever, the polluted Gulf of Mexico, it comes out mundane to me. — Ron White Copy Share Image
I think the world has their own good, clean, Christian comedy. They don't need my help. — Ron White Copy Share Image
The only way to stay sharp is to do live shows. There is no part-time comedy. — Ron White Copy Share Image
I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn't care what I had… — Ron White Copy Share Image
If I'm in a town for very long, usually I'll work out in the comedy club just to keep my chops or… — Ron White Copy Share Image
You can teach somebody how to be a brain surgeon, but you cannot teach them how to walk on a stage and… — Ron White Copy Share Image
As long as I stay engaged with everybody else, then I'll create more comedy. It's just when I shut off and stay… — Ron White Copy Share Image
I was desperate for new material, so anything I can write a joke about that works is in the act. No matter… — Ron White Copy Share Image
If you watch the 'Blue Collar Comedy Tour,' don't expect that when you come see me by myself, 'cause it's a little… — Ron White Copy Share Image
I started selling out comedy clubs before I got to town with no advertising. I was selling out theaters just on the… — Ron White Copy Share Image
I don't have a specific plan except for as long as people want to listen to me talk, I'm going to keep… — Ron White Copy Share Image
The biggest piece of advice that I give young comedians is: If it's your goal to get where I'm at, go do… — Ron White Copy Share Image
There's no idea or concept in comedy you could do that hasn't been attacked from some angle. But if you start leaving… — Ron White Copy Share Image
You can tell on-stage when a joke's starting to lose its pop. It doesn't mean people don't want to hear it anymore;… — Ron White Copy Share Image
The arresting officer, who I had literally known, all my life. You know what I mean? This guy lived four doors down… — Ron White Copy Share Image
I really understood a lot more about comedy after listening to Bill Hicks, who died at 32 years old. He's probably the… — Ron White Copy Share Image
If I'm not in the theatre, I'm in an open mic night or doing a guest set at the Comedy Club, or… — Ron White Copy Share Image
In my Comedy Club sets, I just work on what is fresh and try to build that show as long as I… — Ron White Copy Share Image
I was always a funny guy. I don't think anybody that makes it to this level of stand-up wasn't a funny guy… — Ron White Copy Share Image
Any time someone achieves success before they've earned it, it always comes back to haunt them. — Ron White Copy Share
I BELIEVE THAT IF LIFE GIVES U LEMONS U SHOULD MAKE A LEMONADE...AND TRY TO FIND SOMEONE WHOSE LIFE HAS GIVEN THEM VODKA,AND JUST… — RON WHITE Copy Share
I've never been one to look up the ladder. I've always looked down the ladder. As long as there's one guy down there, I'm… — Ron White Copy Share
When I was 20, I used to go around telling stories, and I knew where I was comfortable - onstage, talking, making 'em laugh… — Ron White Copy Share
There's no backlog of people we can fire for no reason and act as if they don't exist. — Ron White Copy Share
I don't like to do material people have heard. Now, they like to hear material that they know, because that's the stuff that made… — Ron White Copy Share
Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin. — Ron White Copy Share
I get e-mail from all over the world, and from lawyers and doctors and whoever - plumbers and drywall hangers. — Ron White Copy Share
All I know how to do is take what's on my mind and spit it out funny. I don't know what else I could… — Ron White Copy Share
In Texas, we have the death penalty, and we use it. That's right. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill… — Ron White Copy Share
I quit smoking cigarettes and with the $70 a month I am saving not smoking cigarettes I'm smoking $700 worth of cigars. — Ron White Copy Share
I really understood a lot more about comedy after listening to Bill Hicks, who died at 32 years old. He's probably the best comedian… — Ron White Copy Share
I don't do talk shows or go on Dr. Phil's show. He's a friend of mine, and, no, he doesn't give me any advice.… — Ron White Copy Share
