Comedy Quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

I tell very mean jokes.

— Anthony Jeselnik

I love anyone who surprises me and makes me laugh.

— Anthony Jeselnik

I come up with my jokes by thinking of a topic.

— Anthony Jeselnik

I'm inspired by making people laugh at subjects that should make them cry.

— Anthony Jeselnik

I got into comedy because I wanted to get into writing.

— Anthony Jeselnik

I never knew if I would get my own show, but I knew I loved stand-up.

— Anthony Jeselnik

I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.

— Anthony Jeselnik

I always loved comedy, but it never seemed like something that I could do professionally.

— Anthony Jeselnik

I think the reason I became funny was because if I made people laugh, they would let me keep talking.

— Anthony Jeselnik

I'm not the voice of reason; I'm more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.

— Anthony Jeselnik

I never go see live comedy shows because I just sit in the audience thinking, "Here's what I would say. Here's what…

— Anthony Jeselnik

My perfect night would be going out to an awesome restaurant, then heading over to the Comedy Cellar to hang out with…

— Anthony Jeselnik

I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else,…

— Anthony Jeselnik

My first time on stage was the class "graduation" at the Comedy Store. It was awesome. Everything got huge laughs and I…

— Anthony Jeselnik

I think some people just don't know that much about comedy. It would be like a person who didn't know anything about…

— Anthony Jeselnik

It seemed fun to play a villain on stage and I wanted my jokes to be so good that I could just…

— Anthony Jeselnik

If I tell a joke on stage and the crowd laughs for a minute, I stand there for a minute and enjoy…

— Anthony Jeselnik

The one thing I've found you really can't joke about - and people think it's death or something - is money. No…

— Anthony Jeselnik

I can stand by a tweet. But Comedy Central said they couldn't publicly support me, unless I deleted it. I wasn't about…

— Anthony Jeselnik

I try to write three jokes every morning, although I don't know what they are. I write them as fast as I…

— Anthony Jeselnik

I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a…

— Anthony Jeselnik

Katey Sagal, you are an incredible actress. You worked on ‘Married with Children,’ the show that changed comedy, ‘Sons of Anarchy,’ the…

— Anthony Jeselnik

I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to…

— Anthony Jeselnik

Dark humor appealed to me because it was a bigger laugh than you could get with anything else. Seeing people laugh at…

— Anthony Jeselnik

You can't expect everyone to laugh or applaud you for doing edgy things. Sometimes you'll miss. But I think comedians are artists…

— Anthony Jeselnik

Usually the beginning of a story that people hear a lot. For example, "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut" or…

— Anthony Jeselnik

About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night…

— Anthony Jeselnik

Im not the voice of reason; Im more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.

— Anthony Jeselnik

In comedy, I hate that cop-out where you say, "Just kidding." I know you're just kidding. Don't insult my intelligence by spelling…

— Anthony Jeselnik

I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations. One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them…

— Anthony Jeselnik

The driving force behind doing everything that I've been doing as a stand-up is having problems with authority and not liking to…

— Anthony Jeselnik

An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.

— Anthony Jeselnik

I try to retire jokes as soon as I can once I put them on an album. But I can't think of…

— Anthony Jeselnik

Comedy Central made me delete the Boston Marathon joke. I wasn't happy about it but, despite popular belief, I can occasionally be…

— Anthony Jeselnik

I guess I prefer the laughs. I couldn't do a whole set of just shocks, but I like throwing a fastball inside…

— Anthony Jeselnik

Every comic went through their Mitch Hedberg phase - the glasses, the hair in the face - and you knew immediately when…

— Anthony Jeselnik

I do dark [humor]. I like people who are silly and weird and people who are surprising and good at what they…

— Anthony Jeselnik

The world is full of horrible things that will eventually get you and everything you care about. Laughter is a universal way…

— Anthony Jeselnik

That's the worst way you can hear about comedy material: from a third person's blog story that they wrote when they were…

— Anthony Jeselnik

Disasters are funny to me. As a comedian you learn from failure, so I'm always trying to put myself in a situation…

— Anthony Jeselnik