Ogden Nash

How Sunday into Monday melts!

— Ogden Nash

“The Bronx? No Thonx!”

— Ogden Nash

Too clever is dumb.

— Ogden Nash

If called by a panther, don't anther.

— Ogden Nash

“Bugs. Adam had'em.”

— Ogden Nash

To love is an active verb.

— Ogden Nash

Celery, raw, Develops the jaw

— Ogden Nash

A bit of talcum Is always walcum.

— Ogden Nash

A dog's best friend is his illiteracy.

— Ogden Nash

Middle-aged life is merry, and I love to lead it.

— Ogden Nash

The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.

— Ogden Nash

When a lady's erotic life is vexed God knows what God is coming next.

— Ogden Nash

Where there is a monster, there is a miracle.

— Ogden Nash

Remorse is violent dyspepsia of the mind.

— Ogden Nash

The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.

— Ogden Nash

When there are monsters there are miracles.

— Ogden Nash

I don't mind their having a lot of money, and I don't care how they employ it, but I do think that…

— Ogden Nash

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

— Ogden Nash

To maintain your marriage brimming, with really like in the wedding cup, anytime you are incorrect, admit it each time you're proper,…

— Ogden Nash

Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the oppressor.

— Ogden Nash

Passivity can be a provoking modus operandi; Consider the Empire and Gandhi.

— Ogden Nash

“I dreamt that my hair was kempt. Then I dreamt that my true love unkempt it.”

— Ogden Nash

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force.

— Ogden Nash

There has been a lot of progress during my lifetime, but I'm afraid it's heading in the wrong direction.

— Ogden Nash

Tonight's December thirty-first, something is about to burst. The clock is crouching, dark and small, like a time bomb in the hall.…

— Ogden Nash

But that wasn't fancy enough for Lord Byron, oh dear me no, he had to invent a lot of figures of speech…

— Ogden Nash

“Indeed, everybody wants to be a wow, But not everybody knows exactly how. Some people think they will eventually wear diamonds instead…

— Ogden Nash

Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here's a typewriter, here's a stencil, here's a list of today's appointments, and…

— Ogden Nash

An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no…

— Ogden Nash

Daybreak is one of the greatest disadvantages of living under the solar system: It means having to get up almost the very…

— Ogden Nash

The noblest lord is ushered in By the practicing physician, And the humblest lout is ushered out By a certified mortician. And…

— Ogden Nash

Time is so old and love so brief, love is pure gold and time a thief. We're late, darling, we're late, The…

— Ogden Nash

Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit. So here we are several billion of us,…

— Ogden Nash

Winter is the king of showmen, Turning tree stumps into snowmen And houses into birthday cakes And spreading sugar over lakes. Smooth…

— Ogden Nash

“More than a catbird hates a cat, Or a criminal hates a clue, Or the Axis hates the United States, That's how…

— Ogden Nash

Here's a toast to the roast that good fellowship lends, with the sparkle of beer and wine; May its sentiment always be…

— Ogden Nash

“I give you now Professor Twist The conscientious scientist. Trustees exclaimed, “He never bungles” And sent him off to distant jungles. Camped…

— Ogden Nash

“Very Like a Whale One thing that literature would be greatly the better for Would be a more restricted employment by authors…

— Ogden Nash

“Everybody who has a baby thinks everybody who hasn't a baby ought to have a baby, Which accounts for the success of…

— Ogden Nash

“There is one thing that ought to be taught in all the colleges, Which is that people ought to be taught not…

— Ogden Nash