If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Who made you eat bitch for lunch? Who poured you a tall bitch beer float? Who sprinkled bacon bitch on your salad?” — A. S. King Copy Share Image
My portrayal of Fagin was all to do with my experience in comedy and revue. — Ron Moody Copy Share Image
People: I love it when my boyfriend tells me how much he loves me. Me: I love it when my microwave tells… — Varsha Sharma Copy Share Image
Comedy, I imagine, is harder to do consistently than tragedy, but I like it spiced in the wine of sadness. — Bernard Malamud Copy Share Image
“I was thinking..." "We know," Pedro said, "It was like sitting next to a pressure cooker” — Davis Bunn Copy Share Image
I make dramedies, but 'Tangerine' really has a lot of comedy, and I saw that it had a great effect - it… — Sean Baker Copy Share Image
Nobody wants to see sketch comedy that's the same sketch they've seen time and time again, or that's just a rehash of… — Jordan Peele Copy Share Image
“He can read your mind without even knowing." Dee's face went from pale to bright cherry. "Oh God." "What?" She smacked her… — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
To me there's no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They're all… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
If you can get humor and seriousness at the same time, you've created a special little thing, and that's what I'm looking… — Paul Simon Copy Share Image
“You may think that you don't need to worry about actually learning the grammar rules because spell check and grammar check will… — Jenny Baranick Copy Share Image
“Trolls have a longstanding animosity for goats--"Who's that trip-tapping across my bridge!?"--and this led me to think that perhaps trolls are related… — Ursula Vernon Copy Share Image
A lot of my comedy is physical, so you don't have to understand English to get that I'm choking to death on… — GloZell Copy Share Image
“I shouted the perfect words to scare him off. It was just the delivery (and only the delivery) that made me sound… — Graham Parke Copy Share Image
Nowadays if you talk of comedy as a film genre, you cannot create a simple comedy film, because there are so many… — Varun Sharma Copy Share Image
My boyfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
East Germany was so total in its totalitarianism that everything was banned which wasn't compulsory. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Americans are funny people: first you shock them, then they put you in a museum. — Mick Jagger Copy Share Image
I read that MTV's Real World got 40,000 applications. That's amazing, such an even number. You would have thought it would be 40,008. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I feel like everything comes into your life for a reason. With 'Awake,' I got to do a drama, and with 'Anger… — Daniela Bobadilla Copy Share Image
With comedy it's all about timing and presence on screen, as the words are there but you have to say them right… — Michelle Keegan Copy Share Image
Judging people is one of the greatest man sin. Remember, God made us, and it means you were also judging God and… — Originals Aneeli Copy Share Image
My parents' marriage is a gift to everyone around them - 60 years of making their kids laugh. How many parents are… — Louise Erdrich Copy Share Image
“Laughter feels like our flotation device -- it won't pull us out of the storm, but it might carry us through, if… — Emery Lord Copy Share Image
I'm such a comedy fan that I just love laughing and so admire comedians who have brought me joy. — Miranda Hart Copy Share Image
“You know, when a beautiful bleeding woman shows up at your door, it's common courtesy to let her in or help her… — Allison Ivy Copy Share Image
To tell you the truth, I always wanted to be a sketch comedian and a comedy actor. — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
I like a good listener, I like a sense of humor, I like a hoe that likes a hoe just for my… — Wale Copy Share Image
I can't write a joke. I could never write. I do a lot of stories and I call them stories, but they're… — Ron Shock Copy Share Image
“When you have no job, There will be no money, No money you die. That's why work hard” — John Yambao Copy Share Image
It's so laughable that it's somewhere beyond comedy and right into tragedy again. — Libba Bray Copy Share Image
“I read the Cannibal Manifesto. The part where it says they like eating people is on page 289.” — John Alejandro King aka The Covert Comic Copy Share Image
[ I'm] humorist, I guess. Or really more of a reporter. A reporter who reports on funny things. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
“Not only is he mentally challenged, all he has is a couple of scary fangs and absolutely no idea what kind of… — Jayde Scott Copy Share Image
“I sheathed my blade and glared at him. "And here I almost thought you weren't a complete bastard." "Well, that's your mistake,… — Julie Kagawa Copy Share Image
“The prettier the wine bottle, the higher the likelihood sorority girls will buy it.” — Lauren Leto Copy Share Image
The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam… — Adam Ferrara Copy Share Image
![“[ I'm] humorist, I guess. Or really more of a reporter. A reporter who reports on funny things.” quote by P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/3aa/p-j-o-rourke-184_funny-things_i-m-humorist-i-guess-or-really-more-of-a_1449070.png)
