Humor Quotes · Page 373

“Actually, I was prone to random acts of stupidity. I considered it to be one of my talents.”

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

— E. B. White

Feeling supported when you are doing comedy is the best way to make comedy - at least, that's how I think.

— Nicole Byer

“Writing is a failure. Writing is not only useless, it's spoiled paper.”

— Anonymous

Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.

— George Carlin

People don't come to a comedy club simply to hear someone's thoughts, no matter how profound.

— Ted Alexandro

I'll call it a smart phone the day I yell, Wheres my freaking phone?! and it answers, Im here! Under your jacket!

— Azgraybebly Joslan

“We are not in a foul humor, Belkin. We are in a corrupt-tempered moon. There is a difference, you know.”

— Rachel Heffington

“I never talk back. I listen and always remember your every word, so come pen or mouse, never forget that I will…

— L.M. Fields

“It was hard to decide on a literature course. Everything the professors said seemed to be somehow beside the point. You wanted…

— Elif Batuman

“Beware Stephen! There will probably be a magical combat of some sort. I daresay I shall have to take on different forms…

— Susanna Clarke

Especially with comedy, you take massive risks because ultimately you're trying to be funny. If you're not funny, then it's really embarrassing…

— Dominic Cooper

“Give up the human, and I’ll call them off,” Reseph called out. “Fuck you.” “Incest, brother?” He shrugged. “Well, hell, I’ve tried…

— Larissa Ione

Since she got a cause and stopped being funny. I think she's real funny, but lately it's all been hearts and flowers…

— Andy Richter

“When did you first feel like a grown woman and not a girl?” We wrote down our answers and shared them, first…

— Tina Fey

“Levei meu aparelho digestivo para a assistência técnica, lá me disseram que a validade já venceu, eu então apelei pro tráfico de…

— Filipe Russo

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

— Anonymous

A kitten is the delight of a household. All day long, comedy is played by an incomparable actor.

— Champfleury

“I feel like I've been ironing all day in high heels and no brassiere. ~Tizzy Donovan, Laid Out and Candle Lit”

— Ann Everett

Some say that laughter is the best medicine, Obviously they have yet to try medicine.

— Anonymous

Either you have a sense of humor about [being a former child star], or you're in rehab. There's not a lot of…

— Wil Wheaton

Doing comedy and romance is easy, if I compare it with playing the role of a real-life person.

— Ammy Virk

“when you fall; it's not the ending; It's the next chance to perform better than the last one”

— Harishankar Kaushik

“Yesterday Allison bought me nail polish in the annoying shade of mauve. How can anyone look at me and think mauve?”

— Katie McGarry

“I am not worthy." he said softly. "Damn fucking straight," someone growled.”

— J.R. Ward

You can't always control who walks into your life but you can control which window to throw them out.

— Anonymous

“I don’t understand why some people would even try to categorize you. After watching “Duck Dynasty”, who would have thunk?”

— Shannon L. Alder

“After all, I was dressed in linen and so retained a certain capacity for nonchalance.”

— Joanna Ruocco

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.

— Mark Twain

“Between the whiskers scraggling down his neck and the now-crooked glasses, he could have been the Black Allen Ginsberg.”

— Garth Risk Hallberg

“Next Mrs. Crupp said it was clear she couldn't be in two places at once (which I felt to be reasonable). . .”

— Charles Dickens

I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it

— Jimmy Carr

I don't want to start Any blasphemous rumors But I think that God's Got a sick sense of humor And when I…

— Depeche Mode

We're concerned about AIDS inside our White House - make no mistake about it.

— George W. Bush

If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind, Id be…

— Anonymous

I would date a fan, I dont have a problem with that. I look for a good sense of humour in a…

— Rupert Grint

For indeed all that we think so new to-day has been acted over and over again, a shifting comedy, by the women…

— Agnes Repplier

“I use Fiction to face Reality And write sweet Stories to avoid the bitter ones.”

— Talia

In all my content I don't really swear or use profanity, because I believe comedy can just be pure.

— Michael Dapaah

“Are you really speechless or has the vodka finally impaired your ability to function like a normal human?”

— Heidi McLaughlin