“Promise me...that you'll...*cough*...you'll dispose of my body in the waste receptacles...conveniently located by the theater exits...” — Rich Burlew Copy Share Image
“Dying is easy, getting the dental floss off your finger and into the trash is hard.” — Gregor Collins Copy Share Image
Thinks its funny when people read someone elses status & start to wonder if it has something to do with them. — Arjun Loveable Copy Share Image
“One's theories, after all, matter little, it is one's humor that is the great thing.” — Henry James Copy Share Image
Watching Billy Connolly at the Hammersmith Apollo in the late 90s was a masterclass of long-form comedy. — Richard Herring Copy Share Image
One does not laugh because one is happy; one is happy because one laughs. — Mireille Guiliano Copy Share Image
English language would become poorer if words like 'apology', 'regret' and 'sorry' are withdrawn from usage. — Chandlrababu VS Copy Share Image
I still believe that the best art - be it music, comedy, painting, etc. - is the art that hasn't been asked… — Matt Berry Copy Share Image
Men of humor are always in some degree men of genius; wits are rarely so, although a man of genius may, amongst… — Samuel Taylor Coleridge Copy Share Image
“I wonder what I’m going to be when I grow up,’ Rob asked himself. ‘Well, not a film star,’ Mike said. ‘And… — Randolph Stow Copy Share Image
The alumni of Second City from John Belushi to Martin Short have changed my entire life and brought a new kind of… — Bernie Brillstein Copy Share Image
“He smiled proudly at the machine Ephraim was staring at. "That's our Coheron Drive. Isn't she beautiful? I helped build her." Ephraim… — E.C. Myers Copy Share Image
“The irony of being ignored by someone is that it means you have been noticed by that person first. Take heart you… — Shannon L. Alder Copy Share Image
My sense of humor keeps me from committing atrocities! I love rearranging words and destroying language and the established forms of art… — Alan Bishop Copy Share Image
“More often than not, an inspirational or motivational speaker is someone who makes money from telling us that we can do all… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“What are you doing here, anyway? You don’t strike me as the speed dating type.’ ‘I lost a bet with Alfie,’ he… — Gemma Burgess Copy Share Image
A clever, imaginative, humorous request can open closed doors and closed minds. — Percy Ross Copy Share Image
“Sweetheart, the baby keeps you up all night , it’s definitely a boy.” He winks.” — Samantha Towle Copy Share Image
“Life is a game I adore. I just wish someone had given me the rule book sooner.” — Dane Waters Copy Share Image
“I think he could handle being used. It would be good for him. He's having trouble sleeping.” — Victoria Dahl Copy Share Image
“The thing about growing old is that when you wake up with a new pain, you can just about count on it… — Marjorie Pay HInckley Copy Share Image
I have tried... believe me, I have tried to like rap music. It makes me feel so very, very old. I have… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
A German singer! I should as soon expect to get pleasure from the neighing of my horse. — Frederick The Great Copy Share Image
“Why is it that a man always stops to admire another man's work at the worst possible time?” — James Flerlage Copy Share Image
As for movies, what's great about comedy is that if your movie gets laughs and makes money, you have freedom. — Adam McKay Copy Share Image
I used to love my neighbors, then one day they put a fucking password on their WIFI — Avalon Copy Share Image
“You took out a book on blow-job technique from the British Library? They shouldn't have books like that in there!” — Sarra Manning Copy Share Image
I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
Got a proper job at 28. Gave it up to try comedy at 38. Decided to get fit and healthy at 48.… — Ricky Gervais Copy Share Image
The Apartment' was fun, but I enjoy comedy much more, and I feel I do it better. — Fred MacMurray Copy Share Image
I used comedy as a way to combat my dyslexia. I was barely getting by scholastically, so I used a lot of… — Joel McHale Copy Share Image
“If I were Mace Tyrell, I would sooner have Joffrey's head on a pike than his cock in my daughter.” — George R.R. Martin Copy Share Image
If I could continue to work in comedy - whether it's TV, stand-up - I will be happy. — Esther Povitsky Copy Share Image
People are surprised I do comedy! And I'm like, 'Guys, that's all I have been doing. For, like, forever.' — Yvonne Orji Copy Share Image
“And he claims another victim.” I cracked a grin. “Edwin, you’re turning this infirmary into a speakeasy.” — Katherine McIntyre Copy Share Image
“...truly loving someone is making that person happy even if you’re not the reason behind it.” — Kevin Anos (Vinsfortin Copy Share Image
People will remember a good comedy song a lot longer than they would some of the so-called straight love songs. — Ray Stevens Copy Share Image
“Can no prayers pierce thee? SHYLOCK: No, none that thou hast wit enough to make.” — William Shakespeare Copy Share Image
“Well, the truth is that his mother had six miscarriages, and three of them survived.” — Oscar O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If you look back, Mozart, Haydn and Beethoven were mixing music and humor all the time. — Richard Hyung-ki Joo Copy Share Image
